The Juvenile Genius and the Criminal Mastermind
by Arurim Dhasku
Summary: Artemis Fowl stole magic in the Time Tunnel, and it made him a wizard. Now he's been invited to Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Will Artemis survive kids his own age, a serial killer on the loose, and his newfound power? More importantly... will the wizarding world survive him? Spoilers: AF 5 and HP 6. There's a 70% chance that I won't write a sequel. PM to take over.
1. Prologue: A Mysterious Letter

**Hello, and thank you for reading my work! Ummm... I may make some liberties, especially with the Artemis Fowl timeline, which will somehow fit in somewhere (I guess now all his adventures are in the summer). The whole aging thing was confusing, which is what happens with time travel, but I felt like setting it after The Lost Colony. Artemis may be slightly OOC, but tell me what you think! This first chapter is a bit on the short side, but I demand REVIEWS before putting up the next one.**

 **Here's the disclaimer: I don't own Artemis, Harry, or any of their compatriots **sighs sorrowfully**. They belong to Eoin Colfer and J. K. Rowling, respectively. The same applies to the entire story.**

Artemis

It was a dark and stormy night. Our setting is a large manor. It is surrounded by a wall, and imposes on the quaint Irish countryside surrounding it. Our subject is a boy of 14 years (or perhaps 18?), pale and thin in appearance, who is lit by the glow of the computer screen.

 _Tap, tap._

Artemis Fowl was busy. Very busy. At the moment, he was breaking into Foaly's database. It wasn't as if he needed to. In fact, it was precisely the opposite. Artemis was bored. It was a month after Hybras, and he needed a challenge.

 _Tap, tap._

The boy scowled. He didn't like anything to disturb him while he worked, and _something_ was tapping on the window. The scowl only deepened as he realised he shouldn't be distracted so easily. He was also several inches shorter than he used to be. Artemis sighed. He must've lost a year in limbo. _Puberty._ He didn't want to go through _that_ again. Deep in thought, he turned around towards the window, just when, to his misfortune, the window burst open. In flew a great horned owl, sopping wet and wearing a similar expression, right into the juvenile genius' lap. The owl flapped it's wings and the juvenile genius sputtered. He was about to call Butler when the owl held up its leg, which appeared to have a letter tied to it.

Artemis had to admit, his curiosity was piqued. He untied the letter, which had quite remarkably remained dry, and opened it. There was an address on it.

 _The second bedroom to the left up the stairs, Fowl Manor, Ireland_

Artemis raised his eyebrows. Very few people could possibly know which bedroom he used. This called for an increase in security.

 _Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,  
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

 _Dear Mr Fowl,  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.  
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.  
Yours sincerely,_

 _Minerva McGonagall  
Deputy Headmistress_

 _HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

 _UNIFORM  
First-year students will require:  
1\. Three sets of plain work robes (black)  
2\. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear  
3\. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)  
4\. One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)  
Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.  
COURSE BOOKS  
All students should have a copy of each of the following:  
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)  
by Miranda Goshawk  
A History of Magic  
by Bathilda Bagshot  
Magical Theory  
by Adalbert Waffling  
A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration  
by Emeric Switch  
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi  
by Phyllida Spore  
Magical Drafts and Potions  
by Arsenius Jigger  
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them  
by Newt Scamander  
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection  
by Quentin Trimble  
OTHER EQUIPMENT  
1 wand  
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)  
1 set glass or crystal phials  
1 telescope  
1 set brass scales  
Students may also bring, if they desire, an owl OR a cat OR a toad.  
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS_

 _ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICK_

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Lucinda Thomsonicle-Pocus  
Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions_

 _HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

Artemis would have laughed, had he been so inclined. _Hogwarts? Seriously?_ This appeared to be some sort of practical joke, although one that alerted him to serious security defects. However… _Fairies exist. Why shouldn't wizards? Not to mention the owl._ He made a decision. He would write back. Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, he made his response.

 _To Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall,_

 _This is in response to your letter by owl. This could possibly be some sort of ridiculous practical joke, but I am inclined to believe otherwise. I will take your offer. I presume that these 'wizards' have communities with access to the items on your list, but I have no such luck, having been born into a normal family. Where would I be expected to get such supplies?_

 _Artemis Fowl_

Artemis put the letter in an envelope l. Then he tied it to the owl, along with a tracker, and the owl promptly flew out the window.

"Butler!"

Butler ran in. He looked confused. "Feathers? Why is the window open?"

Artemis smiled vampirically. "What would you say if I told you there are wizards?"


	2. Chapter 1: Diagon Alley

Artemis waited excitedly (at least by his standards). The idea of Wizards was becoming increasingly likely. First of all, he had looked back into The Book. According to records from the war, there had been a number of magical humans, but he and the fairies had assumed the magic just faded from them. It was quite possible they'd simply split off into a secret community, and it was supported by the fact that he became one after stealing some magic. It must've rejuvenated parts of his brain that hadn't used magic for centuries, perhaps millennia. Lately, he'd been producing blue sparks out of his fingers. His body must be acclimating to the presence of magic.

Then there was the matter of the tracker. It had simply blipped off the screen. This wasn't so abnormal in itself, as it could've been accidentally destroyed, but it had _come back on._ Because it was fairy technology, this was only possible if someone was more technologically advanced than he was (which was incredibly unlikely) or something new (like human magic) had been added to the equation. He had told his parents that he would be going to a new school for gifted children, and his parents, who were overjoyed by his taking initiative, hadn't pressed him too much.

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock. He put an iris cam in his blue eye and opened the door.

Outside was one of the last things he would've expected. It was a massive man, taller than butler, with a thick black beard and a pink umbrella. He frowned, a rather terrifying sight.

"Artemis Fowl?"

Artemis nodded.

"Yer bigger 'n I expected. Most of 'em start at 11."

Artemis frowned back. "I suppose I am an oddball. I'll have to get third year supplies, then."

"Yes. I must have a third year list somewhere…" the man reached into his large coat pockets and pulled out some crumpled bits of paper. After uncrumpling a couple, he finally found the right one. "Ye know, if ye want ta enter the third year, I suggest ye get some more basic books as well."

"That still begs the question, where should I get supplies? And who are you?"

"Diagon Alley, of course. I'm Hagrid, groundskeeper and Care for Magical Creatures teacher of Hogwarts."

"Where's that? How do we get there?"

"It's London. We'll use floo powder. Got a fire place?"

Artemis, who was a bit confused by this point, showed him the fire place. Hagrid took out some green powder and threw it into the fire, which turned green. "Now walk inta the fire and say 'Diagon Alley,' clear 's ye can."

"May I bring my bodyguard, Butler?"

"He a muggle?"

"What?"

"A muggle, a non wizard."

"To my knowledge, he is one."

Hagrid shook his head. "'Fraid he can't come then."

Artemis nodded. He switched to heat vision, and saw the fire wasn't hot, only uncomfortably warm. He stepped in and said "Diagon Alley." There was a whoosh and a flash of green, and then he was gone.

He stumbled out of the fireplace in Gringotts, the wizard bank. As he was dusting himself off, Hagrid came out. "Good, ye got to the right place. We'll get ye some money here. There's a muggle born student fund. The bank's run by goblins."

"Goblins! Aren't they dangerous?"

Hagrid laughed. "They're only dangerous if ye try to cheat em. Very bureaucratic, though. None too trustworthy, little buggers. Love their gold."

Artemis nodded. _They must be a branch of the people. Different evolutionary track._ Sure enough, the goblins bore only a slight resemblance to the underground, fire breathing ones. Both were squat, toothy, and grumpy looking, and that was about it. And all the Gringotts goblins looked exceedingly interested in Artemis.

One walked up to him and gave a small bow. "Hello, master. We've been waiting for the de Foles since your esteemed ancestor was layer to rest."

"By 'de Foles' am I right to believe you speak of Hugo de Fole? He was a wizard?"

"One of our first customers. He sponsored us and got the first vault. Very powerful, he was. Descendant of Herpo the Foul. Quite dark, slightly prophetic. Pity his son was a squib. He left behind the promise that before his descendent, the first to walk down these halls again, the stone walls of hate would break and the pillars of time would fall. Never explained what it meant, but he left Vault 0 to you."

Hagrid looked a bit dumbstruck, and Artemis was deep in thought. _Not quite the muggleborn, after all._ He nodded. "I would like to see this Vault 0."

The goblin bowed again and took him and Hagrid down a passage to the carts. They got in one, and it took off.

Hagrid looked as if he would be sick. Although there were many side passages, the cart flew straight down the track at breakneck speed. The descent became steeper, and the side passages sparser, until the cart came to a sudden stop. It was the end of the track. They got out and looked at the vault in front of them.

The vault door was massive. It was large enough give Hagrid head several feet of space. It was grey and metallic looking, with jewels sunk into it. There were two snakes made of stone, with emeralds for eyes and a dark ribboning pattern. There also didn't seem to be a keyhole, or even a handle. It was quite impressive, but Artemis was trying to figure out the way in.

That was when the snakes moved. They became lifelike and simultaneously turned to Artemis. _Welcome, young descendant. A tribute, to tell the truth. The words to win your right._ A knife appeared in his hand. He sliced his palm. _Gold is power,_ he said in the same tongue. The snakes smiled as well as snakes can, and they turned back into stone, in their original position. The knife and cut disappeared, and the door silently swung open. Artemis entered, and it swung shut behind him.

Inside, Artemis saw a lot of gold. Massive heaps of it. But what really excited him were the magical objects. He quickly found a bottomless bag, and stuffed in a good amount of gold. Then he smiled at the spellbooks. They were about practically everything he could need, from necromancy to time travel to alternative histories. He packed quite a few of them. There were also a number of useful looking objects, like prophetic orbs (he refused to say crystal balls), enchanted swords, and power holding stones. Although he was quite disdainful of some (from what he could tell, modern technology could do they same thing, and was far more reliable), he took some for research purposes.

But the one that drew him was a small wooden box. Inside, he found a wand, like he'd seen some wizards using in the bank. It was dark rowan wood, and it felt right as soon as he touched it. He put it in its box and into his bag. Then he walked out the door.

Hagrid was outside, looking worried. The goblin was looking indifferent, as goblins often do.

Artemis raised his new bag. "I have money." The three got into the cart and started the slightly less harrowing journey up.

Next they went to the wand store. Ollivander, the old man behind the counter looked him up and down. "Which is your wand hand?"

"Actually, I'm ambidextrous, and I already have a wand," Artemis replied. He pulled the box out of his bag. He saw a glint of interest in the old wandmaker's eye, and Hagrid kept glancing over at him.

"Oh, really? Can I see?"

Artemis reluctantly handed it over. Ollivander opened the box and gently took out the wand. He smiled happily as he turned it over and over.

"This is one of my best works! Rowan, with a thestral feather core, 14 inches, rigid. Very powerful, very good for dark magic. Hugo de Fole, I believe." He gave Artemis an appraising look. "An elegant wand, and well suited to you. Family heirloom, I presume?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Just how old are you?"

Ollivander chuckled. "That's for me to know and you to never find out! Why don't you give it a wave?"

Artemis took the wand and waved it. The air suddenly seemed heavier, and the light was sucked out without the lights dimming. It gave Artemis a feeling of immense power. He made a genuine smile, which was known to be even more terrifying than his scowl. The room was suddenly 10 degrees colder.

Suddenly, the room returned to normal. Ollivander laughed nervously, and Hagrid put a hand on Artemis' back. "Let's get going, eh? Ye still need yer books." Artemis nodded and they walked out of the store.

Artemis was surprised to see a wizarding bookstore- he hadn't realized just how lively the books were. Some had legs, many had moving covers, and one title was locked in a cage. Hagrid came up behind him and said, "Right, here's the list, if ye need any help finding something, ask a clerk." Artemis walked off to look for books.

Artemis frowned. There was one more book he needed to get. He walked up to the clerk and asked, "Excuse me, do you know where I can find _The Monster Book of Monsters?_ "

The clerk moaned. "In the cage. I hate those. Worst book I've ever had to take care of. Even with gloves, they bite, and I can't stop them eating each other. Never again. Next year the kids will have to find _that_ textbook somewhere else." He wrenched open the cage door and grabbed a book, which promptly switched to biting him. He then dropped it in the poor boy's hands. Hagrid wandered over. "Ye've found my textbook? Quite rambunctious, eh?" Both Artemis and the clerk glared at him, but he was happily oblivious. After making the purchases, they moved on.

"Ye'll want a pet," Hagrid said, "Prob'ly an owl, to carry messages."

Artemis scowled. So far, they'd gone to Madame Malkin's Robes For All Occasions, Amanuensis quills, Potages Cauldron Shop, and Slug And Jiggers Apothecary. He planned to find a less… crude method of communication. Apparently, everything wizards did was incredibly archaic. So-called "muggles" had a better grasp on wizard culture than wizards of muggle culture, and muggles didn't even know of their existence. They wore robes, which were easily tripped upon, and quills- surely human magic didn't prevent the use of a pencil? Not to mention their politics- from what he could gather, they seemed years behind muggles, with confusing laws and far too much corruption, and they didn't seem to have an understanding of basic human rights. He supposed he'd need a pet to fit in, and explain if he had information from outside sources. And before he figured out how to work electricity at Hogwarts, he'd need one.

He decided they'd go to the Magical Menagerie. He didn't want an owl from the Emporium, because they seemed commonplace and he didn't like owls. They were assumed intelligent, but in truth, they were exceedingly average. Good eyesight and silent flight, but little else.

Artemis walked into the menagerie, and was deafened by the sound of animals- but he could understand what they were saying.

 _Stupid humans._

 _Pick me! Pick me!_

 _Mmmm._

 _FOOD!_

It must be the fairy magic, he realised. Artemis covered his ears and looked around. His eyes fell to a raven. Perfect. The _Corvus_ genus had always been his favorite, and they were intelligent and stealthy. This one was larger than most, with sleek black feathers and a splash of white on her right wing. She looked back at him with an appraising gaze, and they silently agreed. He stroked her feathers and got on line to buy her.

As he was in line, he looked at the other customers. In front of him was a number of 11 year olds, none of whom interested him. What _did_ was that all of them were whispering about someone called "the boy who lived," "the chosen one," and "Harry Potter." They were pointing at a young man about his age standing outside, who had green eyes, messy hair, and a peculiar scar. He didn't seem to notice, and was listen to two others argue. One was a girl with a large bag and an orange cat, and the other was a boy with freckles and bright red hair. He listened with interest as they argued over the cat "nearly scalping" the boy, seemingly unaware of the staring first years. Eventually, they walked off. Artemis was at the front of the line. He quickly bought the raven and Hagrid took him home.

Artemis flicked on his computer. Then he hacked Foaly and sent him a message. One word: WIZARDS.

 _Holly_

"WHAT?"

Foaly winced. "Wizards. Artemis messaged me, and he said Wizards. I think he wants to talk."

"That's all?"

"That's all. Come down to the Ops Booth and we can call him."

"My shift isn't over yet! Why did you tell me this when my shift isn't over yet?"

"Well you wouldn't like it if I held out on you. Come down when you're done. I'll wait."

Holly sighed and rubbed her forehead. She'd be thinking about this the rest of the day.

After work was over, Holly took the shuttle to see Foaly. True to his word, he was waiting. "What took you so long?"

Holly glared. "Work, idiot centaur."

Foaly sighed. "No one appreciates my genius. Well, here's Artemis."

He hit a few keys, and Artemis popped up on the screen. He smiled. "Hello Holly, Foaly. No doubt you've been waiting all day to talk to me."

Holly glared. "What do you mean by wizards? Like, magic humans. We thought they just died out. Humans ruin everything. Give them a little power, they start an interspecies war. Then they'll just die out, bloodthirsty beasts. No offence."

Artemis smiled more widely. "None taken. As it turns out, you were wrong. They actually have formed a civilised, albeit dysfunctional and backwards, community. It's quite amazing you haven't found them yet, considering that they're barely even trying to hide."

Foaly frowned. "Rub it in, Mudboy. How'd you find them?"

Artemis held up a letter. "Take it in, fairies. I got invited to a magic school. The whole time tunnel debacle must have awoken previously dormant parts of my brain."

Foaly squinted at the letter. "Hogwarts? Seriously?" Then he smirked. "And you didn't find it yourself, either, mudboy. They found _you._ How do you it isn't a prank?"

Artemis raised his eyebrow. "I've seen magic, and I now have a wand. It would have to be an incredibly elaborate prank, one with more advanced tech than I have. Naming is one of the wizards' many deficiencies, and I _did_ get magic in the first place, which deserves considerable congratulations. Not to mention that I'm only 14. Or 18. Or quite possibly 13, as I seem to have lost a few inches in height."

Foaly looked skeptical. "I'll have to see it for myself."

Artemis held up an iris cam. "Luckily for you, I had the foresight to wear an iris cam. The entire experience is recorded. I also apparently have a wizarding ancestor; Hugo de Fole, who built Fowl Manor, was a powerful wizard. He left behind a lot of gold and valuable artifacts to study, which I happen to have on hand. I'll have to work on communication. Apparently, human magic and technology are incompatible. Since school starts in two days, I suggest you hurry if you want a look."

Fowl logged off. Holly turned to Foaly. "Few things are more terrifying than Artemis Fowl with magic."

Foaly nodded in agreement, and the pair started to do the paperwork for surface passes.

 _Dumbledore_

Dumbledore heard a knock. "Come in," he called.

Hagrid entered. "I just finished wi' Artemis Fowl."

Dumbledore nodded "What did you think of him?"

Hagrid shuddered. "He's descended from Herpo the Foul, and there was a prophecy o' some sort fer him. He went ta the family vault, Vault 0, made by another ancestor. The boy spoke parseltongue to get in, and I don't know what he took out. He took _his_ wand. Dark magic if I ever saw it. And that raven o' his- far too smart. I don't know. There's just something not right about that boy."

Dumbledore nodded. "No less than I should expect for such an _interesting_ young man. No one knows where he disappeared to for those 3 years. We'll just have to keep an eye on him. He could tip either way."


	3. Chapter 2: Past and Future

**Yeah, people. That's right, I uploaded another chapter. Expect no punctuality. Hope I update once a week. Artemis goes to Hogwarts, meets dementors. I wrote a sucky dirge (I believe it's a dirge). Imagine a drunken old sailor drowning his sorrows in beer. I realise it's a ramble. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Artemis_

Artemis was confused. He hated being confused, and it was a very rare occurrence. He needed to find Platform 9 ¾ . He could see Platform 9 and 10, but he hadn't the foggiest on where 9 ¾ could be. He scanned the platform, until he realized there were a number of children with owls in cages and large bags. They would glance around, and then walk through a barrier between the platforms and disappear. He smiled. That was it. He'd been doing a lot of studying, and gone with only a couple hours of sleep last night. He'd tried to understand how it worked, which was challenging, because despite their immense abilities, the wizards didn't care how things worked, and simply called it all "magic." Artemis, of course, found this irritating, so he'd been categorizing magic. He knew all the spells at the third year level, and then some, but he had only cast a couple of them, with moderate success. It was harder than he'd thought it would be. This was more of that pocket dimension magic, like that for his bottomless bag and that which hid Diagon Alley behind a brick wall. He shook his head. They weren't even trying to be indiscreet. The so-called "Statute of Secrecy" depended more on muggles being oblivious than wizards being secretive. Artemis walked through the wall.

Although he understood it, it was still disconcerting to come out in a completely different place than he'd went in. Stumbling slightly, he got on the train and found an empty cabin to sit in. It would be two hours until the train left. He set down his raven's cage and found a book to read.

An hour later, a man entered his cabin. He was quite shabby looking, and promptly sat down and fell asleep. After reading _Hogwarts: A History,_ Artemis assumed this was a teacher, as they were known to join students for the ride to Hogwarts. According to his luggage, he was R. J. Lupin. Artemis felt that there was something… off about the man. Something wild, not completely human. He shrugged it off and went back to reading.

An hour and 57 minutes after Artemis had gotten on, three students his age (13) rushed into the cabin, looking out of breath. Coincidentally, it happened to be the three he'd seen in the Menagerie. He now knew their identities. He'd read back issues of _The Daily Prophet_ from the past two years. Harry Potter was apparently a celebrity in the wizarding world, for defeating this "Lord Voldemort" by… living. Artemis didn't find this particularly impressive. Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley helped him in his escapades. Granger was an up-and-coming young which, a star student. Weasley came from an old wizarding family who sympathized with muggleborns. They had recently visited Egypt. So far, he was rather unimpressed. Artemis liked planning and punctuality, neither of which the trio appeared skilled in.

"Who d'you reckon he is?" the redhead asked, looking at R. J. Lupin.

"Professor R. J. Lupin."

"How d'you know that?"

"It's on his case," Hermione said, pointing.

He turned a page. They all suddenly realized Artemis was there. They turned towards him, the boys looking confused. "Who're you?" asked Ron.

Artemis almost rolled his eyes. "Artemis Fowl II."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Artemis Fowl?"

Artemis nodded slowly. "The second."

Hermione turned to the others and started whispering. Being a muggleborn, she was no doubt telling them about his numerous exploits.

They turned back. Ron asked, "Why are you here?"

Artemis spoke slowly. "I'm a wizard. I am here to get to Hogwarts, where I will hopefully learn to use magic."

Hermione glared. "We mean, why are you here now? You're 19, according to muggle news. You can't have magic."

Artemis widened his eyes innocently. "Whatever do you mean? Do I look like I'm 19? I'm 13, just like yourselves, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter." He plowed on, interrupting Hermione. "I've seen your names in _The Daily Prophet._ I must just be a late bloomer."

Hermione didn't look satisfied, but as she was about to speak, Ron burst out, "Is it true you're a criminal mastermind? And that you disappeared for three years?"

Hermione glared at him. Artemis smiled, though it felt like nails in his gut. "I prefer juvenile genius, and you know what the news is like. Always exaggerating. I was away at an intensive school. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some catching up to do." He looked pointedly at his book.

The three friends left him alone after that, and started talking about upcoming school trips, the sport called 'quidditch,' and candy stores. Artemis rolled his eyes and read his book.

It was five hours into the ride when the lights suddenly went out and the train stopped. It could be nothing, but Artemis knew something evil was coming. His raven cawed, and the others in the cabin jumped. _**Darkness.**_ "Was that your raven, Artemis?" Artemis replied in the affirmative. Neville wandered in clumsily. The others weren't doing anything but bumping into each other and shouting, and the icy evil was getting closer. Artemis rubbed the gold coin that Holly had given to him for saving her finger. He decided to wake the professor.

He felt his way over to the professor. "Professor Lupin!" he whispered.

"I'm awake."

"Something's coming."

The professor's hands lit with a spell. He looked tired, but his eyes were bright. He commanded the attention of the cabin's inhabitants. "Stay where you are."

The door opened. At the entrance stood a dark, hooded, creature, with gray hands and ragged breathing. It emanated wrongness. As it stood, it felt as though it was sucking all the joy out of the world. Artemis paled even more, and fell to his knees. He remembered the trolls, the icy arctic water, the bitter hopelessness of Butler's death, his mother's insanity, the screams of his friends as they died… _at his hands… so lonely… the only one_ … Artemis felt the ache of defeat, and almost caved in to the promise of sleep…

And then it was gone. His raven croaked, and the professor walked over to him. He handed him a bar of candy.

"Have some chocolate. It'll help."

Artemis took it and shakily unwrapped it. He ate a square. It did help. The others were busy fawning over Harry, who had apparently fainted. Understandably, considering his experiences. Artemis felt a spark of jealousy. He had few friends. Most people found him (understandably) cold and heartless. His life was just as bad as Harry's.

"What was that thing?" asked Harry.

"It was a dementor. One of the dementors of Azkaban."

Everyone stared. Artemis wracked his brain. _Azkaban._ He knew that. It was the wizard jail, on an island. Defended by dementors and water. No one had ever broken out except… Sirius Black, Harry's betrayer. _Curiouser and Curiouser,_ he mused. Circles inside of circles. Not to mention his premonition. He got up, dusted himself off, and got back to his book. He was still listening, of course.

The train restarted. Lupin left the cabin to talk to the conductor. The others talked about the dementors. They hadn't been so badly affected by the dementors. They had just felt cold and unhappy. Harry had a chocolate bar as well. Lupin came back in and told him to eat it. Then he turned to Artemis.

"Hey, kid. Are you alright? What's your name?"

Artemis blinked. He couldn't bring himself to look into Lupin's eyes. "I'm fine. My name is Artemis."

"Okay. We'll be at Hogwarts in 10 minutes."

They arrived, and the train slowed to a stop. They got off, Artemis and Harry on shaky legs.

"Firs' years this way!" shouted Hagrid. Artemis decided to join them. He walked off towards the lake, following the other new kids.

 _Hermione_

There was something off about Artemis Fowl.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione arrived just before the train left, and had found 3 seats only in the last cabin. There were two surprises. One was the professor. He was shabby and lean, and there was something off about him. The other was Artemis Fowl. He was reading a thick book. None of them noticed him until he turned the page of his book. He had a raven with a white streak, and a small bag. But what was most surprising was his eyes. He'd looked up at Ron's rather rude greeting, and they were different colors. One was an icy, cold blue. The other was a warm hazel. He said he was 13, and that was also surprising, because none of them had seen him before. Then he said he was Artemis Fowl, and Hermione couldn't hold it in. She pulled Ron and Harry aside, and told them what she knew.

"How is Artemis Fowl here?" she hissed.

Both Ron and Harry were confused. "Who? Do you know him?"

"He's famous. A genius, and supposedly a criminal mastermind. Once, he and Jon Spiro were in a business agreement. When it broke, he destroyed Spiro's company and drove him mad! Spiro's in the asylum, and Fowl is filthy rich! Moreover, he disappeared 3 years ago, and turned up again without having aged a day! He's supposed to be 18, not our age!"

Ron and Harry didn't understand. "Jon Spiro? Company?"

Hermione sighed angrily before turning back. "All you need to know is he's not supposed to be here!"

They turned back, and Ron, being the ogre that he was, asked direct questions. Hermione couldn't get a word in edgewise, and Fowl brushed off their queries with an air of disdain. He went back to reading, and the group relaxed and started talking.

Suddenly, a few hours into the ride, the train slowed to a stop and the lights went out. A raven cawed. "Was that your raven, Artemis?" asked Harry. "Yes." It was probably nothing. The train would start again soon. Neville walked in and fell on Harry. Ron stepped on Hermione's foot.

Suddenly, the professor's hand lit up. He had bags under his eyes, and looked haunted. "Stay where you are."

Then the door opened. A hooded creature stood there. Hermione felt a numb cold. The happiness at returning to Hogwarts was gone. It felt wrong. Harry was worse. He gone out cold. Artemis had fallen to his knees, and Ginny was shivering violently. The professor pulled out his wand and cast some sort of spell. Something silver shot out, and the creature was pushed back, out of the door.

Suddenly everything felt better. The feeling was gone. She and Ron held up Harry and tried to wake him up. The professor muttered something to Artemis and gave him a chocolate bar. Then Harry woke up.

"What happened? What was that thing?"

Something snapped. It was a chocolate bar. Professor Lupin gave Harry a piece of chocolate.

"It was a dementor. One of the dementors of Azkaban."

"Eat," he said. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me...

He strolled past Harry and disappeared into the corridor.

"Are you sure you're okay, Harry?" asked Hermione.

"What happened?"

"Well - that thing - the dementor - stood there and looked around (I mean, I think it did, I couldn't see its face) - and you - you-"

"I thought you were having a fit or something," said Ron, who still looked scared. "You went sort of rigid and fell out of your seat and started twitching."

"And Professor Lupin stepped over you, and walked toward the dementor, and pulled out his wand," said Hermione, "and he said, 'None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go.' But the dementor didn't move, so Lupin muttered something, and a silvery thing shot out of his wand at it, and it turned around and sort of glided away... "

"It was horrible," said Neville, in a higher voice than usual. "Did YOU feel how cold it got when it came in?"

Professor Lupin had come back. He paused as he entered, looked around, and said, with a small smile, "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know..."

Harry took a bit and looked up. The color was returning to his face.

After a few minutes, the train stopped. Hermione, Ron, and Harry followed the third years. The last sight Hermione caught of Artemis was him going with the first years.

 _Yes. Something very strange about Artemis Fowl._

 _Artemis_

Artemis sat alone in a small boat. None of the first years had wanted to sit with him. He preferred that. Then he saw the school.

It was beautiful. A massive castle, it had impossible architecture and a hundred glowing windows. It was all made real by magic. For the first time, Artemis felt that human magic had its uses after all. _If it can make something like this…_ Artemis smiled. For now, he could forget the dementors.

They soon arrived on the other shore. They followed Hagrid through the massive doors and into a dining hall. There were four tables, split into four houses. Dumbledore, the headmaster, came out with a hat. He had a long beard and glasses, and long robes. Artemis laughed silently to himself.

The hat was set on a chair, and to his astonishment, it began to sing.

 _Good evening, students young and old,_

 _For there's a tale that must be told,_

 _Of the loyal, the brave, and bold,_

 _And of the smart, those believed cold_

 _Once, I was a normal hat,_

 _Who sat upon a head,_

 _I couldn't sing, or have a chat_

 _Or hear what someone said_

 _But then my master said to me,_

 _Good hat, you've done your share,_

 _I shall bequeath a mind to thee,_

 _And spell to spite time's wear_

 _His name 'twas Godric Gryffindor_

 _A founder of this school,_

 _And as he walked right through this door,_

 _He acted such a tool_

' _Helga Hufflepuff' he called_

 _Please help a friend in need,_

 _They worked long days without a halt_

 _But spells could not quite read,_

 _Slytherin, my strong willed friend,_

 _What words are these we speak?_

 _They curdle in our ears,_

 _And we cannot hear ourselves think_

 _Tis mine you hear, the man replied,_

 _Pure magic has no path,_

 _You must come at it from the side,_

 _Or you'll have to face its wrath_

' _Rowena Ravenclaw, please help'_

 _Was their frenzied plea,_

 _This problem's tangled like month old kelp,_

 _Too much for such as we_

 _The four made swift their efforts,_

 _And worked so desperately,_

 _They made short work of he who sorts,_

 _And the result was me!_

 _The sorting hat, the sorting hat,_

 _Cleverest hat you'll know_

 _Flits 'round your head like a confused bat,_

 _And tells you where to go!_

After that the students were sorted. Artemis listened to the applause and realized that the Slytherins were considered the worst. All the other houses gave very little applause at a Slytherin sorting, and there were quite a few glares towards the table. _You can't get anything other than hatred if that's what you expect._

All too soon, the other students had all been sorted. Professor Mcgonagall, the Deputy Headmistress came up.

"Hello. A new student, Artemis Fowl II, will be joining the third year class."

Artemis walked up and put the hat on his head. _Hello, Artemis Fowl._ Artemis jumped. Legilimency, what the hat did prying through his mind, was creepy. Artemis liked to keep his head to himself. _Not to fear. I shan't share anything with anyone else. Although these 'fairies' sound like something they'd want to know about. Hmm… Hard working, see your plans through… very driven. Not much of a Hufflepuff, too devious. Gryffindor either, same thing. Very intelligent, ferociously so… could be a Ravenclaw… On the other hand… many secrets… many plots… yes, definitely-_ SLYTHERIN!

The room was silent for three unbearable seconds. Then the Slytherins started to clap. Artemis walked over to the table. They opened up a spot for him.

"Hello, I'm Draco. Draco Malfoy," said the elfish looking boy to his left. "My father works for the ministry. I'm a pureblood."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Why should I care who your father is?"

Draco gaped at him the boy on Artemis' right snorted. "He's got you there. I've always wanted to say that to you Malfoy. I'm Blaise Zabini."

Draco glared. "Who's your father, Zabini? Husband number 4?"

Blaise smirked. "That's exactly why I've never said it."

Draco rolled his eyes and turned to Artemis. "Who's your father?"

"Artemis Fowl the First."

Draco frowned. "That doesn't sound like a pure family."

"Because it isn't."

A silence fell in their corner of the table. "What?" asked a girl across from Artemis.

Another boy stared. "How'd you get into Slytherin if you're not pure? Are you a mudblood?"

Blaise frowned. "Theodore's right. Only the purebloods get in. Who are you?"

Artemis smiled vampirically. "I got in on my own merit. Not that of my parents. My ancestor is Herpo the Foul." Artemis had done his research. Herpo was one of the greatest dark wizards in history. There were a few gasps. Clearly, some people had heard of him. "Another ancestor sponsored Gringotts. My blood could be said to be purer than yours. You have no idea what you're dealing with."

Just then, they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip, as Artemis dubbed them, rushed in. _Always late,_ Artemis sighed. _Never enough time._ They sat at the Gryffindor table. He saw them glance over at him.

"Welcome!" said Dumbledore, the candlelight shimmering on his beard. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast..."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued, "As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business."

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds," Dumbledore continued, "and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises - or even Invisibility Cloaks," he added blandly. "It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the dementors," he said.

"On a happier note," he said, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year.

"First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

There was some scattered, rather unenthusiastic applause. Artemis and the other students from his train car clapped harder. None of the slytherins did. He noticed that one professor, with a hook nose and greasy black hair, was staring daggers at Lupin.

"As to our second new appointment," Dumbledore continued as the lukewarm applause for Professor Lupin died away. "Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

There was very little clapping at that. Most of the applause came from the Gryffindors.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance," said Dumbledore. "Let the feast begin!"

The golden plates and goblets before them filled suddenly with food and drink. Artemis daintily took his food. He would show them that a 'mudblood' could at least have manners.

The other students ignored him for most of the meal. They only showed interest when Snape came over with a note. It said _Go to the Headmaster's office after dinner. Second Floor, go to the gargoyle. The password is Every Flavoured Beans._

After dinner, Artemis walked up the staircase. He saw the gargoyle, but no office. Perhaps… "Every Flavoured Beans." He could've sworn the gargoyle _grinned_ at him as it moved out of the way, revealing a large spiral staircase. He walked up the staircase and knocked on the door.

"Come in," said a voice inside. Artemis walked in, and was surprised to see a well lit, interesting looking office. At St. Bartleby's, the principal had a wood desk with a nicer polish than that of teachers and an out of date computer. Here, there were hundreds of books, a large globe, and- if Artemis was not mistaken- a pensive. A phoenix perched elegantly upon the principal's desk. For someone just entering the magic world, it was a lot to take in.

"Hello, Mr. Fowl." Dumbledore was seated at his desk, mirroring Fawkes' unblinking gaze.

"Hello, sir."

"We need to discuss some things. First of all, what are your thoughts on Hogwarts?"

"Quite impressive," Artemis said truthfully. "Especially for someone new to magic. The building is magnificent."

Dumbledore's eyes glittered. "And the students?"

"The students?" Artemis hedged. "The students all seem rather talented." _A talent for trouble._ "And reasonable." _Reasonably impaired._ "I rather like the idea of a sorting system."

Dumbledore gave a knowing(and infuriating) smile. "Mmm. Now about your schedule. You need to choose electives. We have Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Divination, Care for Magical Creatures, and Muggle Studies. You can choose two. Some of our students have more, but they have altered schedules.

 _Hmm. Muggle Studies and Ancient Runes are out. I would probably know more than the teacher. Care for Magical Creatures could be interesting. Arithmancy or Divination… Superstition by numbers or symbols? Divination. Frankly, Arithmancy is just insulting to someone even remotely adept in mathematics, which is evidently something else wizards are remarkably inept at. Not to mention my esteemed ancestor, who was supposedly mildly prophetic._ "I will take Divination and Care for Magical Creatures."

Dumbledore smiled. "Of course. If you ever need anything, stop by. You can go now. Slytherin is in the dungeon. Password 'pureblood.' "

Artemis nodded and walked out towards the dormitory. He frowned. He didn't like Dumbledore. He seemed to know more than he should.

* * *

 **Of course he's a Slytherin. I'm not into Gryffindor, so expect nothing good to be said about them. Hufflepuff forever!**

 **Nothing is mine.**


	4. Chapter 3: Omens and Injuries

**Hey folks! Two chapters at once! Know that chunks of this chapter may have come out of the book. It's brilliant that I have, like, 140 views. How did that happen? Comment! Send in ideas so I can integrate them into the plot!**

 **I just made some revisions.**

* * *

Artemis was glad to wake up with no missing parts. He'd been worried the other Slytherins would mess with him,, so he'd taken the liberty of putting a curse on his bed and bag. The raven, who he had yet to name, could take care of herself. Considering he had taken several tries to get the spells right, he'd been worried they wouldn't work properly.

He got out of bed, and smirked when he saw that Crabbe and Goyle, self-evidently the henchmen of the class, both had some nasty boils on their faces. That would teach them to try and mess with him. They glared at him as he took out his clothes and toiletries without ill effect. None of the others were up yet, so he got dressed quickly and went down to the great hall, where he wouldn't be outnumbered so badly.

In the Great Hall, Artemis and a couple Hufflepuffs were the only ones there. Artemis was glad, as that meant he could catch up on his spellwork. Hufflepuffs wouldn't bother people. He mainly worked on transfiguration, changing the forks into spoons and knives into forks, and then back again. Definitely improving, but not to a third year level. He supposed he'd have to practice during lunch. After about half an hour, the rest of the school started filing in. Naturally, the Slytherins all gave him venomous glares. Fortunately, none were willing to try and fight him after Crabbe and Goyle's' mistake. Instead, they started talking about Potter's incident on the train.

"Did you hear what happened to Potter on the train?" Draco laughed. " 'Save me professor, the dementors are after me!' I hear he actually fainted!" He imitated a swoon, and the other Slytherins started laughing hysterically. Of course, it was then that they-who-are-attached-at-the- hip decided to enter. Granger muttered something to Potter, and they moved on to the Gryffindor table. To his misfortune, Artemis had nowhere to sit but the Slytherin table, so he had to listen to their pathetic attempts at humor for the rest of breakfast.

"Potter! Pathetic little boy! Still misses his Mommy, eh?"

"Dementors in the Great Hall! Save us, chosen one!"

"What's so scary, huh? Things in cloaks! Not like they can do much!"

After a while, Artemis was sick of listening to the Slytherins' attempts at mockery. "And what about you, I wonder? What were you doing, Draco? I don't suppose they felt a sense of kindred feeling? Crabbe and Goyle? Do your brains not have the capacity to feel fear? And Pansy, you clearly have self esteem problems. It's evident that your jeers are merely an attempt to compensate for your lack of both physical attractiveness and a caring parental figure. From what I, the mudblood, can tell, the standard disaster response appears to be run now, mock later. All of you assume your parentage implies special favor, when it truly means far more should be required of you. Now if you would excuse me, I have work to attend to." Artemis stood up and left the rest of Slytherin flabbergasted.

As a matter of fact, Artemis did have work to do. He needed to understand the school building, as none of the other students would help him. For the next twenty minutes, he wandered through the shifting staircases and fake doors until he thought he had a basic understanding of where most things were. Then he walked up to the divination tower for the first lesson.

The class started ten minutes later. They-who-are-attached-at-the-hip arrived 9 minutes after Artemis, breathing hard from the steps. They started talking to the irritating portrait of a knight, Sir Cadogan. Apart from them, there was Neville, the clumsy Gryffindor from the train, Dean Thomas, a soccer lover, a couple of chattering Gryffindor girls, a few Hufflepuffs, and one small and dreamy looking Ravenclaw. Artemis was starting to regret his decision.

Just then, a golden ladder dropped from the a trapdoor in the ceiling. They all climbed the ladder and entered a pathetic excuse for a classroom. Someone had crammed a load of small tables and armchairs inside. They didn't appear to believe in good lighting or clean air, as the room was smoky and badly lit with incense candles. The windows were closed and it was stiflingly hot due to the fireplace. There were candles, tarot cards, prophetic orbs, and teacups everywhere.

A voice suddenly sounded. A very soft, airy voice, like someone trying to sound mysterious, but just sounding ditzy. "Welcome," it said. "How nice to see you in the physical world at last."

It was a very thin woman with long hair and owlish glasses, and she was dressed up like a fortune teller.

"Sit, my children, sit," she said, and they all climbed awkwardly into armchairs or sank onto poufs. Artemis sat with the head-in-the-clouds Ravenclaw.

"Welcome to Divination," said Professor Trelawney, who had seated herself in a winged armchair in front of the fire. "My name is professor Trelawney. You may not have seen me before. I find that descending too often into the hustle and bustle of the main school clouds my Inner Eye."

Nobody said anything to this extraordinary pronouncement. Professor Trelawney delicately rearranged her shawl and continued, "So you have chosen to study Divination, the most difficult of all magical arts. I must warn you at the outset that if you do not have the Sight, there is very little I will be able to teach you… Books can take you only so far in this field… " Artemis was not impressed by her pathetic attempts to disguise an inability to teach. "Many witches and wizards, talented though they are in the area of loud bangs and smells and sudden disappearances, are yet unable to penetrate the veiled mysteries of the future," Professor Trelawney went on, her enormous, gleaming eyes moving from face to nervous face. "It is a Gift granted to few. You, boy," she said suddenly to Neville, who almost toppled off his pouf. "Is your grandmother well?"

"I think so," said Neville tremulously.

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, dear," said Professor Trelawney, the firelight glinting on her long emerald earrings. Neville gulped. Professor Trelawney continued placidly. "We will be covering the basic methods of Divination this year. The first term will be devoted to reading the tea leaves. Next term we shall progress to palmistry. By the way, my dear," she shot suddenly at Parvati Patil, "beware a red-haired man."

Parvati looked suspiciously at Weasley, who was right behind her, and edged her chair away from him.

"In the second term," Professor Trelawney went on, "we shall progress to the crystal ball - if we have finished with fire omens, that is. Unfortunately, classes will be disrupted in February by a nasty bout of flu. I myself will lose my voice. And around Easter, one of our number will leave us forever."

A very tense silence followed this pronouncement, but Professor Trelawney seemed unaware of it.

"I wonder, dear," she said to Lavender Brown, who was nearest and shrank back in her chair, "if you could pass me the largest silver teapot?"

Lavender, looking relieved, stood up, took an enormous teapot from the shelf, and put it down on the table in front of Professor Trelawney.

"Thank you, my dear. Incidentally, that thing you are dreading - it will happen on Friday the sixteenth of October."

Lavender trembled.

"Now, I want you all to divide into pairs. Collect a teacup from the shelf, come to me, and I will fill it. Then sit down and drink, drink until only the dregs remain. Swill these around the cup three times with the left hand, then turn the cup upside down on its saucer, wait for the last of the tea to drain away, then give your cup to your partner to read. You will interpret the patterns using pages five and six of Unfogging the Future. I shall move among you, helping and instructing. Oh, and dear" - she caught Neville by the arm as he made to stand up - "after you've broken your first cup, would you be so kind as to select one of the blue patterned ones? I'm rather attached to the pink."

Sure enough, Neville had no sooner reached the shelf of teacups when there was a tinkle of breaking china. Professor Trelawney swept over to him holding a dustpan and brush and said, "One of the blue ones, then, dear, if you wouldn't mind… thank you… "

Artemis paired off with the Ravenclaw, who had a magazine in her grasp and was looking slightly above his head. Ravenclaws were supposed to be somewhat intelligent. She looked to be a year younger than him and had a peculiar set of glasses.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Luna Lovegood. I got put in this class a year ahead, because my father says I'm a seer. He's the editor for the Quibbler," she said. "You've haven't got any wrackspurts floating around you."

Artemis frowned. "What's a wrackspurt?"

Luna removed her spectacles. "A Wrackspurt. They're invisible. They float in through your ears and make your brain go fuzzy, and nearly everyone's got a couple of them."

"I am known to be extraordinarily intelligent. I'm Artemis Fowl."

Her eyes clouded over a little. "You'll do great things. Break the stone walls, the pillars will crumble. The dragon and the fox, locked in a battle of frozen fire."

"What?"

Her eyes cleared. "What?"

"You just… never mind. Let's get our tea, shall we?"

They got their tea and drank it. Artemis made a face. This tea wasn't exactly the Earl Grey he got at home. They swirled there tea and swapped. Artemis looked at Luna's cup and saw… nothing. He frowned. Luna was looking very intently at his. Artemis turned it and saw an eye. Turing to page 5, He learned that an eye basically represented everything possible in the wizarding world. It could mean a hand of fate, a curse would be upon you, or you need to go to the optometrist.

Luna looked up. "What do you see? I see an acorn, which means gold. And if you turn it this way, there's a moon, which is luck and surprises. But here, there's a cross, which points to horrid tribulations."

Artemis considered this. The acorn and moon were probably a reference to fairykind and his discovery of Vault 0. The cross was slightly worrying. But then, he was used to tribulations. Luna was surprisingly close. "Yes, gold is very popular in my family. I see an eye. Which could mean nearly anything. Most likely-"

"An eye! Watch out for curses in the future my dear, and beware blindness. And you, Master Fowl, should beware the moon, and look out for wolves." Professor Trelawney had come out of nowhere. Artemis sighed. Her flashing jewels and glasses simply made her impossible to take seriously. She walked over to Potter and Weasley, and Artemis was about to return to Luna, when she screamed over Harry's cup.

There was another tinkle of breaking china; Neville had smashed his second cup. Professor Trelawney sank into a vacant armchair, her glittering hand at her heart and her eyes closed.

"My dear boy... my poor, dear boy no it is kinder not to say.. . no... don't ask me..."

"What is it, Professor?" said Dean Thomas at once. The others crowded around her, while Luna and Artemis just waited.

"My dear," Professor Trelawney's huge eyes opened dramatically,"You have the Grim."

"The what?" said Harry. The muggleborn students looked puzzled, but the others were scared.

"The Grim, my dear, the Grim!" cried Professor Trelawney, who looked shocked that Harry hadn't understood. "The giant, spectral dog that haunts churchyards! My dear boy, it is an omen - the worst omen - of death!"

Artemis rolled his eyes. Then Hermione walked over and looked into the cup in question. "I don't think it looks like a Grim," she said flatly.

Professor Trelawney surveyed Hermione with a look of dislike. Artemis smirked.

"You'll forgive me for saying so, my dear, but I perceive very little aura around you. Very little receptivity to the resonances of the future." Seamus Finnigan was tilting his head from side to side.

"It looks like a Grim if you do this," he said, with his eyes almost shut, "but it looks more like a donkey from here," he said, leaning to the left.

"When you've all finished deciding whether I'm going to die Or not!" exclaimed Harry. Some tension went out of the room.

"I think we will leave the lesson here for today," said Professor Trelawney in her mistiest voice. "Yes... please pack away your things..."

Silently the class took their teacups back to Professor Trelawney, packed away their books, and closed their bags.

"Until we meet again," said Professor Trelawney faintly, "fair fortune be yours. Oh, and dear" - she pointed at Neville - "you'll be late next time, so mind you work extra-hard to catch up."

The students left the classroom. Next, Artemis had History of Magic. Unfortunately, he hadn't had a chance to talk to Luna. Although Trelawney had seemed fraudulent, he had sneaking suspicions that Luna actually was a Seer; her predictions had been uncanny, and he had seen an eye in the teacup. The goblin at the bank had said that Hugo de Fole was prophetic, and Luna had said something eerily similar to De Fole's words. Artemis thought it would be a good idea to befriend her. She seemed more intelligent than at first glance, and held a lot of (perhaps slightly erroneous) information about the wizarding world.

History of Magic was taught by a ghost, Mr. Binns. It was incredibly boring, even (or especially) for a genius. He quickly realised that Binns was more or less taking verbatim from the books Artemis was reading on the train. He found this rather depressing, as the books he'd read were hideously outdated- several hundred years old. After that, he was only half listening, and instead considered his electricity problem.

The problem was what he'd been worked on with Foaly, that magic worked like saltwater, floating about in the aether and corroding circuits at a touch. To solve it, he'd need to coat his electronics in a magic proof substance that nevertheless allowed radio waves to travel. From what he'd determined, silver, gold and iron were all somewhat impermeable for magic- that was probably what made so many of the myths about their effects on magical creatures, namely fairies and werewolves, and why they were used for wizard currency. He had these metals in supply, but he needed to determine how to use them. He definitely needed to increase their effects, because phone wiring already contained iron.

Artemis was jolted out of his reverie by the bell. He stood and slowly moved towards the Great Hall. He needed to find somewhere to work on his problems. The dorms were too full of Slytherins, and the dining hall was too full of people. Artemis was not interested in sitting outside. He ate lunch quickly and started searching for a place. After a while, he settled on the first floor girls' bathroom, which no one used because of Moaning Myrtle, a whining ghost, and the Chamber of Secrets incident last year. Hopefully he'd find another spot later.

After the free lunch period, it was time for Care For Magical Creatures. Artemis was not enthusiastic. Animals weren't his forte, nor was the outside. Especially considering the fact that in a looser class setting, the other Slytherins would certainly cause problems.

For once, they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip were in front of him. Oh, joy. A class with the Gryffindors. Despite being estranged by the Slytherins, Artemis did not like Gryffindors. They were not incredibly intelligent, and were often belligerent and impatient. None seemed to understand the idea of thinking ahead, and they glared at him simply for being a Slytherin, or perhaps for seeming stuck up. He was fine with Hufflepuffs, who had long terms plans and an admirable dedication to their work. Ravenclaws were better. They ignored the house rivalry, although they would like to win the cup, and they shared his academic interests.

Hagrid was waiting for his class at the door of his hut. He stood in his moleskin overcoat, with Fang, his boarhound, at his heels, looking impatient to start.

"C'mon, now, get a move on!" he called as the class approached. "Got a real treat for yeh today! Great lesson comin' up! Everyone here? Right, follow me!"

They were led to the edge of the forest, to a paddock. "Everyone gather 'round the fence here!" he called. "That's it - make sure yeh can see - now, firs' thing yeh'll want ter do is open yer books -"

"How?" said the cold, drawling voice of Draco Malfoy.

"Eh?" said Hagrid.

"How do we open our books?"Draco repeated. He took out his copy of The Monster Book of Monsters, which he had bound shut with a length of rope. Other people took theirs out too. Artemis smirked as he brought out his, completely calm.

"Hasn' - hasn' anyone bin able ter open their books?" said Hagrid, looking crestfallen.

Artemis sighed. "I have."

The others turned to him, looking shocked and jealous. Hagrid beamed. "Great! Care teh explain how?"

Artemis raised it up. "You stroke the spine," he explained. He did so, and the book fell open with a slight purring sound. The others looked at him in disbelief. Draco sneered.

"Oh, of course! Stroke the spine. What fools we've been! No, doesn't take a genius to figure it out!"

"I - I thought they were funny," Hagrid said uncertainly to Hermione.

"Oh, tremendously funny!" said Draco. "Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our hands off!"

Blaise glared. "Shut up, Draco. Quit whining." Artemis smiled inwardly. First day, and he was already breaking up the Slytherins' house loyalties. It was nice to know he was getting to them.

"Righ' then," said Hagrid, who seemed to have lost his thread, "so - so yeh've got yer books an' - an' - - now yeh need the Magical Creatures. Yeah. So I'll go an' get 'em. Hang on... "

He strode away from them into the forest and out of sight. Immediately, Draco started arguing with the Gryffindors. Artemis shook his head- Draco needed a lot of work- and turned around- to see Hermione Granger, with a slightly sour expression on her face.

"How did you figure it out?" she asked.

Artemis gave a vampiric smile. "Well there had to be some way of calming then down, right? So I treated it like I would any living thing, and tortured it until it confessed."

Hermione quickly ran off, looking considerably more nervous. Artemis rolled his eyes. Just because he was a Slytherin, didn't mean he was bloodthirsty. All living things liked contact, and the spine was as much of a sensitive area as a living book could have.

Then Lavender Brown, one of the chattering Gryffindor girls, squealed and pointed towards the opposite side of the paddock.

There was Hagrid, with some of the most peculiar animals Artemis had ever encountered. They had the bodies, hind legs, and tails of horses, but the front legs, wings, and heads of what seemed to be giant eagles, with cruel, steel-colored beaks and large, brilliantly orange, eyes. The talons on their front legs were half a foot long and deadly looking. Each of the beasts had a thick leather collar around its neck, which was attached to a long chain, and the ends of all of these were held in the vast hands of Hagrid, who came jogging into the paddock behind the creatures.

"Gee up, there!" he roared, shaking the chains and urging the creatures toward the fence where the class stood. Everyone drew back slightly as Hagrid reached them and tethered the creatures to the fence.

"Hippogriffs!" Hagrid roared happily, waving a hand at them. "Beau'iful, aren' they?"

Artemis frowned. No doubt, they were elegant and fantastic looking, but they had a certain ferocity in their eyes, and wickedly sharp claws. They definitely weren't a first lesson. Mark my words, someone will be in the hospital wing by the end of the day.

"So," said Hagrid, rubbing his hands together and beaming around, "if yeh wan' ter come a bit nearer -"

No one seemed to want to. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, however, approached the fence cautiously. Gryffindors.

"Now, firs' thing yeh gotta know abou' hippogriffs is, they're proud," said Hagrid. "Easily offended, hippogriffs are. Don't never insult one, 'cause it might be the last thing yeh do."

Of course, Draco and his cronies weren't listening. Nor were most of the other Slytherins. Theodore Nott seemed interested, though. Having lost his mother, his father had been very protective. No doubt he hadn't had much adventure in his youth.

"Yeh always wait fer the hippogriff ter make the firs' move," Hagrid continued. "It's polite, see? Yeh walk toward him, and yeh bow, an' yeh wait. If he bows back, yeh're allowed ter touch him. If he doesn' bow, then get away from him sharpish, 'cause those talons hurt.

"Right - who wants ter go first?"

No one looked eager. Finally, Harry Potter stepped up. The chattering Gryffindor girls gasped. Artemis sighed. Of course. Although Artemis didn't begrudge him, the boy went looking for trouble, and always found it. You'dd think the whole Voldemort problem as a baby would be enough for a lifetime. But no, Potter always succeeded, apparently from nothing but his blatant sense of disregard and sheer Gryffindorish stupidity.

"Good man, Harry!" roared Hagrid. "Right then - let's see how yeh get on with Buckbeak."

He untied one of the chains, pulled the gray hippogriff away from its fellows, and slipped off its leather collar. The class on the other side of the paddock seemed to be holding its breath. Draco's eyes were narrowed maliciously.

"Easy now, Harry," said Hagrid quietly. "Yeh've got eye contact, now try not ter blink… Hippogriffs don' trust yeh if yeh blink too much… Tha's it," said Hagrid. "Tha's it, Harry... now, bow."

Harry bowed. The hippogriff didn't move. "Ah," said Hagrid, sounding worried. "Right - back away, now, Harry, easy does it."

Suddenly, the hippogriff bowed. "Well done, Harry!" said Hagrid, ecstatic. "Right - yeh can touch him! Pat his beak, go on!"

Harry obliged, and the hippogriff blinked slowly. The the Gryffindors applauded. "Righ' then, Harry," said Hagrid. "I reckon he might' let yeh ride him!" The boy looked a bit doubtful by now. "Yeh climb up there, jus' behind the wing joint," said Hagrid, "an' mind yeh don' pull any of his feathers out, he won' like that… "

Harry hoisted himself onto Buckbeak's back. "Go on, then'" roared Hagrid, slapping the hippogriffs hindquarters. The hippogriff took off. Artemis stared in wonder as the immense creature flew with 12-foot wings. It flew around the paddock and landed surprisingly gently. The Slytherins looked disappointed nothing bad had happened. "Good work, Harry!" roared Hagrid as all the Gryffindors cheered. "Okay, who else wants a go?"

The rest of the class took courage, and entered the paddock. Hagrid started untying hippogriffs, and students started bowing. Artemis was paired off with a tawny one named Brightclaw, and was relatively satisfied when it didn't viciously slaughter him for stroking its neck. Of course, as Artemis had predicted, the class was not incident free. Draco had taken over Buckbeak.

"This is very easy," Draco drawled, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I knew it must have been, if Potter could do it... I bet you're not dangerous at all, are you?" he said to the hippogriff. "Are you, you great ugly brute?"

It happened in a flash of steely talons; Draco let out a high pitched scream and next moment, Hagrid was wrestling Buckbeak back into his collar as he strained to get at Draco, who lay curled in the grass, blood blossoming over his robes.

"I'm dying!" Draco yelled as the class panicked. "I'm dying, look at me! It's killed me!"

"Yer not dyin'!" said Hagrid, who had gone very white. "Someone help me - gotta get him outta here -"

Hermione opened the gate as Hagrid lifted up Draco. He had a long gash down his arm. Hagrid started walking towards the school, with the entire class in tow.

"They should fire him straight away!" said Pansy Parkinson, who was in tears.

"It was Malfoy's fault!" snapped Dean Thomas. Crabbe and Goyle flexed their muscles threateningly.

They all climbed the stone steps into the deserted entrance hall.

"I'm going to see if he's okay!" said Pansy, and they all watched her run up the marble staircase. The groups went to their dorms. Artemis followed the Slytherins down to the dungeon.

"Oi. Do you reckon Malfoy'll be okay?" asked Theodore.

"Blaise nodded. "Even if he's a sod, he's a tough little bastard. He'll bitch until the end of days, and come out alive and hissing mad." He looked troubled, though.

Artemis smiled. Although they had a bad reputation, Slytherins had their upsides. They were fiercely loyal to those in their 'family,' even if it was only in private. There were very few Slytherin turncoats to be found, even if they were turning from the dark side.

Artemis decided to do the History of Magic homework. He had 10 inches on the goblin rebellions of 1357. He completed it in about 15 minutes and got back to his books until dinner.

When the bell rung, the Slytherin third years left for the dining hall. They were all still a little shaken. He heard some dark mutterings about "getting Hagrid fired." They settled down at the table like a dark cloud, shooting glares at the Gryffindors. These were returned by the others in the third year class. Hagrid didn't come to dinner, nor did Draco. Artemis didn't particularly care. Hagrid had not given him a favorable impression, and it should've been obvious to everyone that hippogriffs would lead to trouble. Now that hippogriff, intelligent as it seemed, would almost certainly be put to death. Draco had acted ridiculously; it wasn't even a deep cut, and he shouldn't have provoked the hippogriff. Artemis had seen and experienced worse; if it was truly that terrible, Draco would've passed out, not complained endlessly. Artemis had work to do if he wanted Slytherin to clear up their act.

Naturally, they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip arrived and left early. They probably left to visit Hagrid. It was an unusually quiet dinner, no doubt due to their absence, and Artemis went to bad deep in thought.

* * *

 **Yes, I know Luna isn't in Divination with the trio (or in any of the books up to the fifth, really), but who cares, because I LOVE LUNA LOVEGOOD! I couldn't wait until the fifth book to include her! Just put it down to the trio's general obliviousness, because I didn't feel like thinking of a better way to put her into the story. I don't know about the electricity thing, so I made stuff up. If wizards can't figure out pencils, they can't figure out electricity. Artemis operates under the belief that he can solve any problem he puts his mind to, and he does. I also know nothing about goblin rebellions, but 1362 feels like a good year.**

 **Happy daylights savings! (0_0)**

 **This isn't mine.**


	5. Chapter 4: The Boggart

**Hey folks! Chapter 4! Okay... um please read, review! Thanks to all previous reviewers! Consider your words duly noted!**

 **To Anami (Guest): Thank you for reviewing... I'd rather not give out ways to contact me over the internet, my email already backed up as it is. Your reviews are appreciated nonetheless! I will do what I can to incorporate your suggestions that I got, and please write reviews. I will try to incorporate your suggestions. Also, just so you know: Artemis calls the Slytherins by their first name because he knows it galls them. It's standard Slytherin behavior to refer to people by their last names, and Artemis Fowl will certainly not act like a standard anything.**

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The next morning was Double Potions with the Gryffindors. Breakfast was uneventful, and Artemis decided to test the wizarding message system. He sent his raven, who he'd decided to name Morgana (a variation on The Morrígan, goddess of crows, ironically), to Butler, informing him of events for the past day and asking for any news that Foaly's new research programs had dredged up.

In Double Potions, Artemis had the misfortune to be the ninth Slytherin out of eight. Because of that, he ended up at a table with Harry and Ron, right in the middle of the room. Today, they were making something called the Shrinking Solution. Artemis decided he liked Potions. Put in the right ingredients and stir the right way, and you'd get what you want. Although some things seemed nonsensical (clockwise versus counterclockwise; 8 strokes instead of 9), he supposed wizards just felt a need to make everything a bit confusing, and so far, it was the most sensible class he'd had. He enjoyed being 'ignored' by the two Gryffindors, who would occasionally look suspiciously at him and then quickly look away. Did they think he'd try to curse them in the middle of class?

Of course, that was when Draco decided to attend class. He swaggered in, trying to look heroic, and failed miserably. The Slytherin girls still swooned over him, naturally.

"Settle down, settle down," said Snape drily. The Gryffindors scowled, probably because they believed it was favoritism. Of course, the Gryffindors would be right. Artemis didn't approve of favoritism, but then he'd never needed it to pass. Draco then decided to sit at their table.

"Sir," Draco called, "sir, I'll need help cutting up these daisy roots, because of my arm -"

"Weasley, cut up Draco's roots for him," said Snape without looking up.

Ron went brick red.

"There's nothing wrong with your arm," he hissed at Draco.

Draco smirked across the table.

"Weasley, you heard Professor Snape; cut up these roots."

Ron seized his knife, pulled Draco's roots toward him, and began to chop them roughly, so that they were all different sizes. Artemis was quite certain that would end badly.

"Professor," drawled Draco, "Weasley's mutilating my roots, sir."

Snape approached their table, stared down his hooked nose at the roots, then gave Ron an unpleasant smile from beneath his long, greasy black hair.

"Change roots with Malfoy, Weasley."

"But, sir -!"

Artemis smirked. _What did he expect?_

"Now," said Snape in his most dangerous voice.

Ron shoved his own beautifully cut roots across the table towards Draco, then took up the knife again.

"And, sir, I'll need this shrivelfig skinned," said Draco, his voice full of malicious laughter.

"Potter, you can skin Malfoy's shrivelfig," said Snape, giving Harry a look of loathing.

It appeared Draco wasn't done as he smiled deviously.

"Seen your pal Hagrid lately?" he asked them quietly.

"None of your business," said Ron jerkily, without looking up.

"I'm afraid he won't be a teacher much longer," said Draco in a tone of mock sorrow. "Father's not very happy about my injury -"

"Keep talking, Malfoy, and I'll give you a real injury," snarled Ron.

"- he's complained to the school governors. And to the Ministry of Magic. Father's got a lot of influence, you know. And a lasting injury like this" - he gave a huge, fake sigh - "who knows if my arm'll ever be the same again?"

Artemis put down his knife. They would probably start fighting soon, which would not reflect well on him. "The three of you, stop arguing. Draco, your arm is fine. Many people have gotten worse and complained less. Stop fanning the flames simply for the sake of chaos." He turned to Harry and Ron. "The pair of you, you're only encouraging him. Work on anger management. Gryffindors are supposed to be courageous, not foolish, although there's apparently a very thin line between the two. Choose your battles. Here's a tip: _They aren't supposed to be in the middle of class._ " With that he returned to his caterpillars. Potter and Weasley looked confused. Draco looked shocked. He quickly snapped out of it

"What would you know, _mudblood?_ "

"Tell me, _Draco,_ if my blood was dirtied by muggles, what happened to yours? Was it the incest?" Artemis leaned forwards. " _The veela?_ "

Draco looked incredibly angry. In fact, he looked like he wanted to attack Artemis. However, Artemis knew that Slytherins would never advertise in-house arguments when Gryffindors were around. Potter and Weasley were sitting there looking very, very, confused. Fortunately, that was when Neville got in trouble.

Orange, Longbottom," said Snape, ladling some up and allowing to splash back into the cauldron, so that everyone could see.

"Orange. Tell me, boy, does anything penetrate that thick skull of yours? Didn't you hear me say, quite clearly, that only one pig spleen was needed? Didn't I state plainly that a dash of leech juice would suffice? What do I have to do to make you understand, Longbottom?"

Neville was pink and trembling. He looked as though he was on the verge of tears.

"Please, sir," said Hermione, "please, I could help Neville put it right -"  
"I don't remember asking you to show off, Miss Granger," said Snape coldly, and Hermione went as pink as Neville. "Longbottom, at the end of this lesson we will feed a few drops of this potion to your toad and see what happens. Perhaps that will encourage you to do it properly."

Artemis frowned. Neville would not be able to make the potion on his own. Hermione was trying to help Neville, but she clearly wouldn't succeed. Draco had fallen into a sulk, and was chopping his own ingredients.

Hey, Harry," said Seamus Finnigan, leaning over to borrow Harry's brass scales, "have you heard? Daily Prophet this morning - they reckon Sirius Black's been sighted."

"Where?" said Harry and Ron quickly. On the other side of the table, Draco looked up, listening closely.

"Not too far from here," said Seamus, who looked excited. "It was a Muggle who saw him. 'Course, she didn't really understand. The Muggles think he's just an ordinary criminal, don't they? So she phoned the telephone hot line. By the time the Ministry of Magic got there, he was gone."

Draco smirked. Apparently, he just couldn't help himself. "Thinking of catching Black singlehandedly, Potter?"

"Maybe, why do you ask?" returned Harry, sounding guarded. Artemis sighed. They were rising to the bait.

"Of course, if it was me," Draco said quietly, "I'd have done something before now. I wouldn't be staying in school like a good boy, I'd be out there looking for him."

Artemis rolled his eyes as he cut his vegetables. "No, you wouldn't, Draco. We are _Slytherins._ We do our best not to get into these predicaments like a Gryffindor. That's how we keep ourselves from getting killed." He finished his potion and smirked at Draco. Then he turned to Neville. " _Roots_ , not caterpillars," mere moments before Neville's shaking fingers dropped them in. "Then 3 stirs _counterclockwise._ " Hermione nodded helplessly, and Neville frantically completed the potion. Snape, and everyone in the class, stared at Artemis. He probably wouldn't have done it, if not for the fact that it would annoy Draco.

Snape stood up. "Time to test Longbottom's potion."

It was green this time. He gave a drop to Neville's toad, and it turned into a tadpole.

The Gryffindors applauded. The Slytherins glared at Artemis. Snape frowned, and took out a potion that turned the tadpole back. "Class dismissed."

Artemis climbed the steps to the Great Hall for lunch. He noticed that Hermione's bag had broken. Inside were books for all the electives. _Perhaps she's just interested._ He doubted it, though. Why would she need a book to know about muggles, when she lived with them for ten years?

After lunch, Slytherin had transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs. Professor McGonagall taught them about animagi, and turned into a cat, which attracted the attention of the class, particularly Artemis. He would have to do some research on this type of transformation- no doubt it would be a useful skill.

Next was Defense Against the Dark Arts, with Professor Lupin. None of the Slytherins thought much of him at first glance.

"Did you see the state of his clothes?" asked Pansy.

"Bet he's worse than Lockhart," said Blaise. "DADA is always rubbish."

"Not this year, Blaise." The Slytherins jumped. The professor had appeared out of nowhere. "Follow me, please." He led them down the second floor corridor to the staffroom.

"Now, then," said Professor Lupin, beckoning the class toward the end of the room, where there was nothing but an old wardrobe where the teachers kept their spare robes. As Professor Lupin went to stand next to it, the wardrobe gave a sudden wobble, banging off the wall.

"Nothing to worry about," said Professor Lupin calmly because a few people had jumped backward in alarm. "There's a boggart in there."

Artemis was doubtful. He'd read about bogarts, and they were, by definition, something to worry about. He didn't plan on revealing his greatest fear.

"Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces," said Professor Lupin. "Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks - I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster if the staff would leave it to give my third years some practice.

"So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?"

Artemis raised his hand. "Boggarts are shapeshifters. They take the shapes of the things that frighten us more than anything else."

"Thank you Artemis. So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears. But we have a large advantage, right now. Why is that Blaise?"

Blaise looked uncertain. He scratched his head. "He doesn't know which of us to attack?"

"Exactly. It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a boggart make that very mistake - tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening.

"The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing. If you do it right, the creature will dissipate.

"We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please ... Riddikulus!"

"Riddikulus!" said the class together.

"Good," said Professor Lupin. "Very good. But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this is where one of you comes. Who wants a go?"

None of the Slytherins seemed very eager. "All right, how about you?" He pointed at Pansy Parkinson. She nodded and walked up to the wardrobe.

"Right," he said, "So Pansy, is it? What's your greatest fear?"

She muttered something.

"What was that?"

She spoke louder. "Old age. Like, me, but old and bald and all wrinkly and disgusting. In a home."

"Okay. So what would make that funny? How about if she tripped on her nightgown?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Okay, so imagine it as clearly as possibly. Think about what it would look like, sound like. When it bursts out of the wardrobe, it will take the form of Pansy's greatest fear. Pansy, you will take out your wand - thus - and cry 'Riddikulus' - and concentrate hard on the image in your head. If you're successful, the boggart is likely to shift its attention to each of us in turn," said Professor Lupin. "I would like all of you to take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical…"

Artemis considered it. He wasn't sure what his greatest fear was. Nor did he look forward to everyone else finding out. He hung back at the end of the line.

"Everyone, stand back, please. On the count of three." Lupin pointed his wand at the cabinet. "One, two, three- NOW!"

The cabin opened, and out walked- a crone. She bore a resemblance to Pansy, but was frail and decrepit. She reached out a skeletal hand-

Pansy's eyes widened. "RIDDIKULUS!" The crone tripped on her long, paisley gown, and fell down, arms flailing. Pansy laughed maliciously.

"Blaise!" shouted Lupin.

Blaise walked up. CRACK! The boggart changed into a vampire in a long, black cloak. "Riddikulus!" The cloak changed to a fluorescent pink color, and the vampire wore sparkly yellow sunglasses. The class snickered.

"Brilliant! Tracy, you're up!"

Tracy Davis walked up. CRACK! It changed into a massive scorpion. "Riddikulus!" The scorpion tied itself into a massive knot.

"Draco, you're next!"

CRACK! The boggart changed into his father. "Riddikulus!" His father sneezed, and all his hair fell out. The boggart looked very confused.

"Artemis!"

Artemis walked up. The boggart paused. CRACK! It turned into his father, cold and dead, water trickling down his face. Artemis opened his mouth, and it stood and grew tusks: the troll at Fowl Manor. CRACK! Then it was Opal, laughing happily. CRACK! It was Abbott, glowing runes covering his body. CRACK! Then it was him, but not him: he wore a hospital gown, and his hair was wild, his eyes unfocused and maniacal. A trail of drool dripped from the side of his mouth. Then he laughed, but it wasn't his laugh; it was guttural, animalistic. Artemis tried to speak, but no sound came out of his mouth.

The professor walked in front of him. The boggart became an pale orb. "Riddikulus!"

It whooshed back into the cabinet, and Lupin slammed the door. "Excellent job, class. 5 points to everyone who faced the boggart, and another 5 for Blaise and Artemis, for the questions in the beginning. Err… read the chapter on Boggarts, and hand in a summary next class. Class dismissed."

The Slytherins walked silently to the Great Hall. None wanted to talk about their fears.

Blaise broke the silence. "What was with the crystal ball thing? Why'd he be afraid of that?"

Draco smirked. "I don't know. Why's Artemis afraid of a little girl?"

Artemis glared. "I suggest you pray that you never find out, Draco." Artemis _was_ rather curious about Lupin's greatest fear, and Draco's.

Draco fell silent. He was evidently still unsettled by his boggart. "None of the Gryffindors are to find out about this, got it? Don't want them knowing our weaknesses."

There were small murmurs of agreement from the Slytherins. None of them spoke of the incident again.

* * *

 **That's a wrap. I love ravens! They are far superior to crows, and today my mom asked me if they were the same thing. That annoyed me a lot. In the name of raven superiority, know this: ravens are bigger, smarter, and better at flying. Like, experiments have proven they're smarter than crows. According to National Geographic, they may be as smart as chimps. They have governments. A group of ravens is a _conspiracy._ They are just generally cooler than basically everything (except maybe honey badgers). But that's just my opinion. Watch ravens (and crows, but especially ravens) on youtube. They are awesome.**

 **Back to the story. I don't know how to make old age or ugliness or whatever funny, and Artemis' most valued trait is his intelligence. There's nothing he fears more than becoming a mindless beast. I know the thing with Neville is a bit OOC, but I felt like it.**


	6. Chapter 5: Pestiferous Potions

**Hey, people. This one is a little on the short side. I wrote it a week or two ago, and it sounded better then. Story update: I've got the bare bones down, but I'm still probably adding a chapter here or there. I don't know, guys... I'm kind of losing momentum, because I'm easily bored and easily distracted. I won't abandon you, but I might just post the rest of the story edit-free if I get sick of this.**

 **Anami (Guest) I just got your full review. Thanks for the advice. I _have_ actually read both of those. Once I discovered fan fiction, I obsessively started reading through the fandoms of a lot of books. Especially crossovers. I liked both, and I hope (slightly unrealistically) that both get returned to sooner or later. It's sad how all the best fics are cut short halfway through.**

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One morning, towards the end of September, Artemis was horrified to discover an article about him in _The Daily Prophet:_

 _ **Artemis Fowl: Fact or Fiction?**_

 _By Rita Skeeter_

 _Artemis Fowl II, a striking new student at Hogwarts, turns heads wherever he goes. A sheep in wolf's clothing, this muggleborn somehow ended up in Slytherin House. Rumours abound his presence at Hogwarts, but what's true?_

 _Artemis is famed in the muggle world, supposedly a child genius and criminal mastermind. Furthering the mystery, he arrived in the third year, despite having no prior magical training. His family is well known in the criminal world, and traces its roots back to Hugo de Fole, a sponsor of Gringotts, and even Herpo the Foul, one of the greatest dark wizards in history. Not so much of a muggleborn, now. He is rumoured to own a vault in the darkest depths of the wizarding bank, and could certainly be an up-and-coming Dark Lord._

 _The boy seems to be reclusive, a loner among his peers. Lucius Malfoy, employee in the Ministry of Magic, says "My son is in the same year. I personally don't think his presence is safe. He always seems to be around when anything untoward happens, and I'm simply astonished Dumbledore accepted him."_

 _Artemis also has a sensitive side, says…_

Artemis was dumbstruck. The lies built up with every paragraph, and the amount of truth was worse. And he wasn't the only subscriber. Hopefully, something interesting would happen soon and draw attention away from him. During breakfast, he heard a number of whispers and got a few stares. This was unfortunate. If this continued, his comings-and-goings would be watched more closely, and he wouldn't be able to do his work.

Until then, Artemis had been feeling good about school. He was at the top of all his classes, much to the chagrin of Hermione Granger, and had made several friends. One was Luna Lovegood, who he'd gotten to know better in Divination. He was also friends with Justin Finch-Fletchley, a Hufflepuff whose muggleborn parents were big players in European business. He had been happy to be able to discuss muggle politics with someone else, wizarding ones being the monopoly of the purebloods. Neville Longbottom, despite his clumsy ways, was beginning to grow on him, and they often ended up together in potions, because Snape wouldn't punish a Slytherin for helping a Gryffindor and neither were popular with their own houses. They-who-are- attached-at-the-hip and the other Gryffindors, naturally, avoided him, because he didn't fit into their house-based archetypes. So did the Slytherins, who had yet to settle with their prejudices. The other houses had settled into a tolerance of Artemis. All in all, that made him the most popular Slytherin at Hogwarts- truthfully, it was a bit sad, as Artemis was not normally known as the most popular anything.

Artemis had finally figured out how to make his electronics to work. He was in communication with Butler and his family, which was helpful, because he could hardly send his parents an owl. He also talking with Foaly, but he wouldn't tell him the secret- it was too much fun driving him mad. Foaly still had yet to even locate the school, which simply didn't register on electronics.

The electronics also served another purpose- he could monitor the school. Wizards had no clue to the possibilities electricity held. Because of that, it was easy to bug Hogwarts. That meant Artemis could gather information on the everything that happened in it. That would particularly help with some of his (completely legitimate) business plans.

Artemis, in an immense stroke of luck, had discovered a secret room, which apparently appeared only if you walked by it three times in great need of something. He found it after a particularly trying day with Myrtle. He had been the victim of a particularly nasty disorienting, and he wandered around the seventh floor, confused, until he stumbled against a door into a room large room with a comfortable chair to fall onto and a glass of water. After the first time, some eavesdropping on the house elves taught him of its function, and its name- the Room of Requirement. Although he still had to untangle the complex spellwork required to make such a room, it was a big improvement over the bathroom, particularly since the room provided him with whatever he needed. He had several experiments going, including a number of magic-electric hybrids and a study of animagi. Apparently, his magic was enhanced by that of the demon warlock he took it from. He could heal and speak in tongues like a fairy could, and cast spells a bit stronger than the average wizard. Unfortunately, mesmer and shielding were both impossible, possibly as a consequence of human physiology. No one above or below the Earth knew the true extent of his powers, and he planned to increase it by becoming an animagus.

To Artemis' immense displeasure, the quidditch season was coming up. Artemis was clueless as to why it was so popular, or why it seemed to be the only sport wizards knew of, but it seemed that after tryouts, his friends would speak of nothing else but the upcoming game. From what Artemis could tell, it was basically wizards playing a combination of soccer, hockey, and basketball, except they added magic and made it 50 feet in the air. Artemis didn't fear heights, but it nevertheless was beyond him how so few injuries and deaths occurred, particularly considering the bludgers, which were specifically meant to knock people off their brooms. He'd tried a broom exactly once, at the behest of Justin, using one of the school's Comet 260s. It was incredibly uncomfortable and unsteady, and the broom, perhaps reading his mind, had stopped at 10 feet and refused to go any further. It was a good thing that none of the Slytherins were watching, because he still fell off.

A more enjoyable event would be the Hogsmeade weekend trips, in which Artemis could look at wizarding culture from a different viewpoint than _The Daily Prophet_. He had sent the form home to his mother under an illusion glamour that made it look like a trip to a French art museum, and she had happily signed it.

"Artemis, what do you think of the trip to Hogsmeade?" asked Neville.

Artemis smiled. "I've never seen a wizarding town before. I've no doubt it will be interesting."

Neville smiled. "I hear they've got an excellent candyshop!"

"I don't like lollipops," Artemis said absentmindedly.

That night, Snape came into the common room. "Third years, you may have heard about weekend trips to Hogsmeade. If you wish to go, please give me your permission form before the day of the trip."

Artemis and the others passed up their forms. This period was Potions, thankfully without the Gryffindors. Artemis was paired with Theodore Nott. They were making medicines for Madam Pomfrey, because Snape was in an extraordinarily foul mood, and didn't even feel like coddling his favorite students. Unfortunately, one of the few things wizards had realised about science was the useful properties of alcohol, so the room was full of heady and extremely flammable fumes. _Something bad is definitely going to happen._ Especially after Luna's words in Divination- "The dragon's flames will send the Dragon to ground." Unlike Trelawney's, Luna's warnings and his own premonitions were nearly always correct.

They almost got all the way through class. Then, as Artemis set his potion to simmer, he saw Draco add fireseed to the potion. Fireseed was notable for its flammability. It was strong enough to potentially maim half the class. Without having time to think, he stood up and pulled out his wand.

" _Protego!_ " The potion exploded, shattering the cauldron, but the spell contained the blast. The room filled with movement. Pansy was blubbering, and Snape had stood and ran over to Draco. Draco had burns on his hands and face. Artemis hid his own blistered hands; no one saw the blue sparks running over them.

"Davis! Go get Madam Pomfrey!" Snake snapped. Tracy ran to get her. When she came, Snape stared at Artemis.

"How did you do that?"

Artemis frowned. "Well, I saw Draco add fireseed to his potion, and among muggles, it's known that alcohol, a key part in this potion, is highly flammable."

Snape looked troubled. "Of course. 10 points for recognizing it and 10 for reacting. Class dismissed."

Artemis walked out. The last thing he saw was Draco staring at his now healed skin.

 _Snape_

Snape was perplexed. Artemis Fowl was certainly a conundrum. Before, he'd merely seen the boy as fairly normal, if rather good at potions. He was a bit of an outcast, friends with only students from other houses. Truth be told, he may have underestimated the boy for being a muggleborn. However, from this it was clear that he had been wrong. The boy was not only astute at recognising mistakes, but he'd been quick to the draw and used a spell generally taught to fifth years to reasonable effect. Moreover, he'd saved Draco from possible disfigurement and risked himself, despite Draco's harassment. Gryffindor like behavior. He would have to tell Dumbledore about this.

 _Draco_

A _mudblood_ had saved his life.

 _A mudblood._ Oh, the ignominy.

The question on Draco's mind was _why._ He'd never done anything for Artemis Fowl, and the boy had good reason to dislike him. The boy had helped _Longbottom_ in Potions before, and was chummy with the other houses. Yet he hadn't paused when Draco was in danger, and the danger hadn't even been the mudblood's fault. He'd revealed the extent of his abilities to the entire class for Draco's sake. Not proper Slytherin behavior.

Then there was the matter of the burns. When Fowl had shouted the spell, Draco had stared at him. He'd had burns on his hands, Draco was sure of it. But when he'd walked out, there was _nothing._ The boy was healed. How had that happened?

Draco wasn't sure. But he definitely planned on confronting Fowl on the matter.

 _Artemis_

Artemis kept his head down for the next few days. He ignored the whispers about Draco's absence from the other students at lunch. He ignored the other Slytherins' sneaking glances when they thought he didn't notice. He knew the other houses were building rumours about him using fiendfyre on Draco, about creating a horrific explosion. He was fine with that. After all, he wasn't exactly well loved in the muggle world either. He knew it would die down once Potter slew He-Who Wizards-Fear-Irrationally yet again.

Draco coming back was an entirely different matter. He came out with bandages on his hands and a face that looked badly sunburnt. Artemis was certain that he knew something. He kept trying to talk to Artemis alone, and Artemis kept avoiding him. He found himself using the changing room increasingly often.

Finally, he was trapped. One afternoon, he arrived at the common room earlier than the others, or so he thought. Draco closed the door behind him.

"What did you do?" he asked, his eyes sparkling dangerously.

"Why Draco, I simply prevented the marring of your beautiful, Veela enhanced, face," Artemis drawled. "Without me, you could've gotten scarred, or blinded."

Draco scowled. "You _know_ what I mean. The blisters on your hands?"

Artemis blinked innocently. "There was nothing of the sort."

"And I'm Professor Mcgonagall. Tell the truth." His voice was dangerously low.

Artemis' face darkened. "A little talent of mine. All you need to know is that you owe me. Don't forget it."

At that moment, the other Slytherins entered, having no idea what had happened between Draco and Artemis. Artemis went up to the dormitory, leaving Draco without answers. Artemis was certain that that was not the end of it.

* * *

 **So, yeah. Not my best work. Blah, blah, OOC, not canon, whatever. A bit angsty, I was feeling emotional at the time. I kind of like it, and I'm too lazy to remove references to it from the rest of the story. It's been a busy week for me, so yeah. I'll try to update soon.**

 **THE REST OF THIS IS ME RAMBLING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.**

 **I'm thinking about starting something else. Like, AF/Young Wizards, or Norse Mythology based. Or a sequel, but it might be weird to start a sequel before I've completed the original. Beginnings are always the best part of writing, when you are so full of ideas and not slowly turning into a troll.**

 **THIS IS EVEN MORE OF A RAMBLE.**

 **Also, I've finished off selectively binge reading the Tamora Pierce fanfiction here, and I seriously love Tamora Pierce. My name is based off of CoM. Please read stuff by Tamora Pierce, then write fanfiction. Tell all your friends as well. Although SOTL has 8k of fics, no one has really posted much there for the past few years. I find that really depressing. Also, read Robin McKinley and Naomi Novik and Terry Pratchett. It's a little PG-13, but whatever.**

 **Sorry. I have no energy for filtering.**

 **P. S. If you don't understand my acronyms, buy a Tamora Pierce book. She's written nearly 30 novels, and they get better as they go along.**

 **P. P. S. Sorry about the advertising, but I'm really running out of fanfiction to read. Soon, I will insanely reread every single work in the fandoms I like. Then the ones I haven't read/seen. Then the ones I hated. Then the ones in foreign languages. I've got at least 70 years of life left to fill, and I'm starting to get bored already.**


	7. Chapter 6: Old Friends and New Enemies

**Hey, people! Chapter 6! I was inspired by Mulch. I think I'm nearly halfway through this entire year. There's these irritating little red lines under all the wizard words and names. I feel like _dementors_ should already count as a normal word when Harry Potter fans make up maybe half the English speaking populace. It doesn't even think _wizarding_ is a word. But whatever. My butterfly-like and easily distracted mind has decided that I'm going to learn Esperanto! And I might not update in a couple weeks because I'm going to be out of town for vacation.**

* * *

The Slytherins started to warm up to Artemis after his saving one of their number. To his surprise, Theodore Nott, a fellow Slytherin, had asked for help on homework, and started acting with less than the standard Slytherin animosity. Apparently, the boy had been deeply impressed by Artemis' display of magic. The Slytherin girls ignored him- his mud bloodedness was canceled out by his wealth, talent, and good looks. He and Blaise started bonding over their joy at poking fun at Draco. Even Draco's insults seemed to have less of a barb to them. The henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle, followed the other Slytherins' lead.

Halloween finally arrived, and with it, the trip to Hogsmeade. Harry Potter would not be attending, due to altercations with his aunt and uncles. Artemis wouldn't have cared, except for the fact that more attention would be drawn to him, the second most mysteriously dangerous boy in the school.

Naturally, they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip were looking sorrowful at their upcoming separation. Artemis and the other Slytherins got in line in front of Filch, who was checking names.

"Staying here, Potter?" shouted Draco, who was standing in line with Crabbe and Goyle. "Scared of passing the dementors?"

Potter left without a word. Artemis rolled his eyes at Draco's immature behavior. They went to the door, and Filch checked off their names. The Slytherins went on into Hogsmeade.

As Artemis and the others were walking down the main street, Artemis noticed a heat haze, odd for early fall. He split off from the group and started walking towards the so called shrieking shack. He went to the outskirts of the forest where he wouldn't be noticed.

"I suppose Foaly has figured out how to locate human magic?" he asked the haze.

Holly flickered into visibility. "Heat haze in October?"

"Indeed."

"Nice dress, mudboy."

Artemis winced. "Please don't. It's customary wizard garb."

"Mmm hmm. So how's magic school?"

"It's good. Human magic has a much wider range than fairy magic. I can do basically anything with it."

Holly snorted. "Planning on taking over the world? You know, when the council found out about wizards, half of them wanted to blast them off the face of the Earth. All of them wanted to give you a mind wipe. You're lucky Foaly talked them down."

"You know, it's nice to talk to someone even somewhat versed in technological matters. It's given me perspective living in such a backwards society. They still use _quills_ in the wizarding world. It's a little like Hybras, except without the excuse of being out of the timestream and having a literally demonic, two-faced, leader."

"Don't have to worry about them finding us, then."

"They think that pixies are these vicious little blue creatures."

Holly smirked. "They _are_ vicious. And little. So mudboy, have any ideas lately? Anything we need to worry about?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." It was true he wasn't planning anything that would send the fairy community into turmoil. At least, not directly.

Holly's smile faded. "Well, I _am_ here for reason. As it turns out, wizards and the Lower Elements aren't as separate as you would believe. There's a smuggling ring for certain unique items. You know, troll spit and centaur hair for holy water and dragon toenails. Apparently, this is a base of operations. You know, away from the normal mudmen but convenient for wizards. And I'm here to bring in the perps."

"I see. And what do you need from me?"

A flash of irritation crossed Holly's face. "Some paranoid wizards have a habit of writing anti- concealment charms into the foundations of buildings. No shields, no suits, no invisibility spells. And they're definitely not letting a little girl with pointed ears into a pub."

"You'd be surprised. Besides, I'm no better. I doubt they are letting third years into this pub any more than fairies. And among fairies, I am a very recognisable face. You could simply wear a disguise."

Holly shrugged. "Council's not risking it. And wizards know fairy property rules better than most. So they sent _me_ to send _you_ to a bar called… " Her eyes unfocused, reading something on her iris cam. "The Hog's Head. And don't worry. This bar is known for its seedy clientele. I'm sure they've seen stranger. So go inside, get them out, and I'll do the rest." She grinned. "Use that recognisable face of yours."

Artemis lost the argument. It's hard to argue with someone who has a high-powered Neutrino in their hands when you have neither of the Butlers readily available.

When Artemis walked into the pub, there were a few glances. The well-dressed, clean-looking, youth did not look like someone who would frequent the establishment. None looked at him twice, as all had shady business themselves. That is, except for one.

"My favorite mudboy!" he said, thumping his mug on the table before ripping a piece off of his drumstick (which was definitely too big for chicken, and was not something Artemis wanted to identify). There was only one person on or under the world who would do that in a bar full of wizards of questionable morality…

"Mulch. I had heard you were on the straight and narrow. A private investigator, I believe?"

He waved a hand clumsily. Perhaps drunkenly. "Everyone needs a vacation. I've got a bit of cash in the bank, and when I heard you're a wizard, well, I couldn't resist. Plus, the booze is so much better up here." He shook his head sadly. "Rice wine just isn't the same. ABERFORTH!" he shouted suddenly. "GET MY FRIEND HERE A SHOT OF YOUR FINEST!"

The strangely familiar man wiping the glasses carefully with a dirty rag looked up. Artemis shook his head, horrified by the condition of the pub. "I would rather not." The man mumbled something impolite and returned to wiping the glasses.

Mulch shrugged. "Suit yourself. So Holly sent you in, huh? The LEP are after me?" He saw Artemis eyeing the other customers. "Aww, don't worry about them. We've got an understanding. Honor among thieves, am I right? Abe," he said, nodding to the barkeep, "keeps his secrets well." He grinned, showing all his numerous teeth. "And everyone else knows not to mess with me, after that one guy… These teeth have a life of their own." Artemis really did not want to know.

"So, Mulch, how did you end up here, should this be a mere vacation? At a bar that just happens to be under investigation?"

"Well, a friend of mine suggested Abe as, you know, a friend of the People. And I was sold on Scotland. I mean, the dirt here, it's full of magic. Great aftertaste, no pollution. Lots of rabbits. And the company's great."

"I take that to mean that you have a smuggling ring here." Mulch was about to protest, but Artemis held up a hand. "I only offer my services. I can extend business to the school, and move much less suspiciously than one of the People."

Mulch grinned wider. "And here I thought you were going clean. 80-20 cut?"

"Half each."

"75-25."

I'll give you 40-60 with some contraband items."

"Deal." Mulch spat on his hand and held it out. It was slightly fluorescent.

"No. Definitely not."

Mulch sighed and withdrew his hand. "Worth a try. When can I contact you?"

"Every weekend, unless school security tightens."

"You won't tell Holly about this, right?"

"Honor among thieves, Mulch."

When Artemis walked out of the pub, Holly became visible. "Find anything?"

"I didn't see anyone," he said innocently.

Holly looked skeptical. "You were in there for a while. I checked your heat signature. You talked to someone the size of a dwarf. Who would that be, I wonder?"

"Wizards come in many shapes. There was a small fortune teller who was unusually accurate, to say the least."

"Sure."

"Well, I have to go back to school."

Holly snorted. "Back to _Hogwarts_. Don't miss curfew, mudboy!"

Artemis started walking towards Hogwarts. He met up with the other Slytherins on the way. They were chattering about the first trip to Hogsmeade.

"What were you doing, Artemis? I didn't see you," asked Theodore.

"I didn't either," said Blaise, who was on Artemis' other side.

"Hmm," remarked Artemis. "I tried that 'butterbeer' I've heard so much about, and walked down the street. Nothing appealed to me, so I went to read by the shrieking shack. I didn't see much of you, either." Blaise looked like he accepted the answer, but Theodore stilled seemed suspicious.

That evening, the Halloween feast, true to Hogwarts form, was massive. The ceiling lit with lightning, and the ghosts had a performance. The only thing to spoil Artemis' mood was Draco Malfoy, who wouldn't shut up about poor Potter not going to Hogsmeade. He and Theodore ignored him and the two large gorillas following him, and compared wizard customs to muggle customs during Halloween.

"Wizards have big feasts. It's kind of a remember the dead thing. That's what the ghosts are about."

"Sounds better than what muggles do. I've never participated, but the children dress up in costumes and give each other candy. The adults dress up in costume and have massive parties with a lot of alcohol."

"Actually, alcohol is very much involved. Wizards don't like to remember the dead."

Artemis laughed. "What other holidays do you have?"

"Well at school, we have Easter and Christmas off, and summer hols."

"Aren't wizards secular?"

"We are, but we like to match up the muggle schedules so they don't think we're some sort of cult or something. It's become traditional, and besides, by the middle of winter, everyone wants a break."

All in all, it was a good day for Artemis. However, Harry Potter, the resident child celebrity, naturally had to have a brutal murderer on his tail. And it just had to be Halloween.

Artemis and the other Slytherins were interrupted in the middle of getting ready to bed.

"Get ready to go downstairs," Snape said. You're sleeping in the Great Hall."

The Slytherins, confused, went into the common room. The prefects were waiting. They went into the Great Hall, where the other houses were already standing.

"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle," Professor Dumbledore told them as Professors McGonagall and Flitwick closed all doors into the hall. "I'm afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately," he added to Percy Weasley, the Gryffindor Head Boy. "Send word with one of the ghosts."

Professor Dumbledore paused, about to leave the hall, and said, "Oh, yes, you'll be needing… "

One casual wave of his wand and the long tables flew to the edges of the hall and stood themselves against the walls; another wave, and the floor was covered with hundreds of squashy purple sleeping bags.

"Sleep well," said Professor Dumbledore, closing the door behind him.

No one seemed interesting in telling the Slytherins what had happened, so Artemis asked Neville, as the Gryffindors appeared to know the most.

"What happened?"

"Sirius Black. He slashed the portrait in front of the Gryffindor dormitory. They haven't found the Fat Lady, she's the one in the portrait, she's hidden in some other painting. I think he's trying to get in to get Harry." Neville's eyes were wide and frightened.

"Which begs the question, how did he get into the castle in the first place?" Artemis tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Fowl, why are you hanging around with Fumblefoot?" called Draco. "Act like a proper Slytherin, even if you're not!"

Artemis sighed. "Draco, you should act like a polite young man, even if you're not. Remember what you owe me."

"The lights are going out now!" Percy shouted. "I want everyone in their sleeping bags and no more talking!"

Draco couldn't say anything, so he merely glared at Artemis and got into his purple sleeping bag. Artemis did the same, and quickly fell asleep.

 _Harry Potter_

Harry's eyes widened as he listened to Dumbledore. Someone must've helped Sirius Black get into the castle, despite the headmaster's protests. Who would do such a thing? It _must_ be a Slytherin. They were the only ones who'd want Harry dead. Draco, probably- but he was a slimy git, he was too much of a coward. Not a death eater yet. Maybe his father told him to. Blaise and Theodore weren't very serious, and the girls didn't care about much- more interested in getting pureblood husbands than being Death Eaters. But that Fowl kid… he was mysterious. He'd appeared this year, but he'd been good at magic, maybe better than Hermione. Hermione said he was a muggleborn and a genius, but he was Slytherin. Yes! That was it! He'd been sent to the school, smug little Death Eater, to infiltrate and help Sirius Black kill him!

Harry turned to Ron once the teachers weren't looking, and mouthed _Artemis Fowl_ , pointing at the boy's sleeping bag. Ron nodded.

Finally, at 4 or 5 o'clock, Percy fell asleep. Harry muttered to Ron "It's Fowl. He must've let Black in. Why else did he start in the third year?

Ron nodded, but Hermione disagreed. "It's not his fault! He's friends with Neville, and nicer than the other Slytherins. Why would he help Voldemort, he's a mudblood," she hissed.

"You have a crush on him," Ron said. "Like Lockheart, remember? Just because he's so smart. We should search his bags. Percy's asleep, and he's only here tonight."

Hermione frowned, but didn't stop them. They crept over and Harry reached for the bag. He started to unzip the top… and that's when his face started to itch. He scratched his cheek. It felt almost… bumpy. Ron reached for the bag as well, and Harry saw his face go bright red. Then boils broke out. They started in the normal places, around his nose, his hairline, towards his ears. Then they crept over his face, and swelled. It looked painful, and Harry knew the same was happening to him. Then it hit.

At first, it just tingled. Then his face hurt. It _burned._ He touched it with his hand, and it came away itching and red. He and Ron staggered back to their sleeping bags, barely managing to get in. Hermione looked worried.

Neither boy slept the rest of the night. They were both in agony. Finally, at about 8 o'clock, the excruciating pain subsided to a numb ache. It still hurt. Harry had no idea how long it would last.

Artemis Fowl woke up soon after the pain subsided. He looked at the partially unzipped bag, then at the two Gryffindors. He smirked, and Harry glared at him. That was when he was certain Artemis was a Death Eater. Who else would curse his bag so evilly? He knew Fowl was a Death Eater, and he would prove it.

Breakfast that morning was horrible. Everyone kept sneaking looks at Harry and Ron, and whispering, wondering what had happened to them.

"He's a Death Eater, he cursed his bag!" Harry said.

"Yeah, why would he need that on his bag, anyway, unless there's something suspicious in there?"

Hermione was angry. "You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place! But that was a nasty curse. I don't know how he put it on his bag. Maybe… " But she sounded doubtful. "I'll see about a countercurse Until then, don't do anything stupid." With that, she walked out of the Hall. Harry and Ron suffered in silence until their first class.

 _Artemis Fowl_

Artemis woke up and looked at his bag. It was partially open, and he wouldn't have left it that way. He looked around the room, and saw (big surprise) Potter and the youngest Weasley with a painful case of boils. Granger, their slightly more intelligent friend, had none on her face. She looked unhappy with them. He smirked at them. _That'll teach people to go through my things._ He'd made the spell himself- it wasn't actually too hard to make one. The right Latin phrase, a combination of two or three basic movements, and a few tests, and he'd perfected it. He hadn't tested it on mice- Holly wouldn't like that, and his new gift of tongues made it rather an unappetizing prospect. Besides, they weren't human. Instead, he'd tested a less potent version on the gorillas, who were far less intelligible and wouldn't notice an occasional boil or two. There were several benefits, mainly that (a) there were no convenient counter curses and (b) that no one would suspect a third year unless they knew him well. Naturally, his Slytherin friends had a clue.

"Artemis, did you do that to Potter and Weasley?" asked Theodore over breakfast.

"They did it to themselves," Artemis said coolly. "I just helped them along."

Blaise grinned. "Brilliant! Snooped through your stuff, did they?"

Artemis nodded. "Standard Gryffindors- thought I was a Death Eater, probably."

Theodore snorted. "If any of us become Death Eaters, you'll be the last. More likely to become a Dark Lord yourself."

Artemis smiled at his backhanded compliment. "They'll be hurting for a couple weeks, I suspect. Gryffindors." He sighed. "No respect for privacy."

A week later, Artemis was confronted by Hermione. She cornered him as he left Potions.

"Artemis, what did you _do_ to Harry and Ron?"

"You mean those boils? Shame they haven't cleared up yet." He smiled at her.

Hermione looked positively furious. "I mean it! You cursed them, and I haven't found a counter curse that works, yet! Why do you even have such a strong curse? What are you hiding?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You're a muggleborn, as well. Try being one in Slytherin. Or even a Slytherin in the rest of the school. We're not exactly popular. How long do you think it would be before you wanted to keep people out of your bags?" He continued before she could get a word out. "Don't worry about your friends. The boils will fade in… oh… a week? The hotheadedness won't. Watch out for them." With that, he patted her shoulder and walked away, leaving behind one very confused Gryffindor behind.

* * *

 **That's right! I'm hurting Ron and Harry! Hermione I'm halfway fine with, but Ron especially has always annoyed me. I won't hate on them a _whole_ lot but I felt like including that. I'm not really into Gryffindor, either, in case you didn't notice.**

 **Artemis is going to start a black market. Mulch was just the first step. Just because he's busy learning magic, doesn't mean he isn't preparing for full control of the wizard business world.**

 **I've always wondered how spells are created. Do the words really matter or are they just a focus? Who made the spells? Merlin? Wizards of old? Are there innovations in spellwork where people discover newer, better words? Are there spells that have been lost in the gears of time? What determines the working of special words? I get that _Harry Potter_ is really a kids' book about seeing the wonder in the world and love conquering evil, but _I_ for one really like to know the mechanics of stuff. I feel like Artemis would agree, and further than that figure it out, create new spells, and generally confuse (and dazzle) everyone around him.**


	8. Chapter 7: Brooms and Bad Memories

**So guys! It's me, back from vacation. This is kind of a short chapter, but I do have a lot to tell you about this fic.** **First of all, I got to thinking about the logistics of wizarding school. I realised something: The students have the same teachers every year. Then I started thinking about scheduling. In a fit of incredible nerdiness, I actually did the math. So according to the internet, there are two periods, at least, for the 5 core subjects each week. Each grade has approximately 3 different groups- 4 houses, but with overlap from shared classes. 2*3 is 6 classes a week for one grade, which doesn't seem like much. However, there are 5 years of mandatory participation and at least one group each for years 6 and 7(which probably have more intensive schedules), which is 6(5)+2(2), which is a whopping 34 periods of teaching a week. There could be as many as 50 or 60, not counting extracurricular and detentions, seeing as I used conservative estimates. Not to mention grading all those ten inch papers they love giving out. That's insane, considering there are only 4-5 periods a day, or 25 total. That means teachers spend more periods teaching than there are periods in a week.** **I mean, for comparison, my teachers work about 36 periods** **of a 9 period schedule. Hermione, who had just 3 extra electives, had only 6 or so more periods, and was incredibly exhausted. Do you get what this means?**

 **How is this possible? They could be using time turners, or maybe simulacra. Either would explain why most seem halfway batty. This is also clearly why Dumbledore has so much trouble hiring a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. No amount of money would be worth having a workday nearly twice as long. Did any of you know about this? I heard people were angry at JK Rowling for just a typo, and this is far more important. I mean, I get it's a kids book, and she doesn't want to give them new teachers every year, but I despise this sort of logical fallacy. I can except stomping on physics, grammar, and probability to a certain extent, but this kind is only allowed with comedic licence.**

 **But on to more serious business. After much deliberation, I have decided that I don't want to do this any more. That's right: this fic is officially OVER. Done. Dusted.**

 **But before you throw down your computer/phone/tablet/printout in despair, I do have one thing to say. Unlike all those authors (that I would definitely name, if not for the fact that there are too many to count) who can't manage to finish their fic and stop right on a cliffhanger, cutting themselves off without a word of regret, I _have_ actually written the ending (although it does definitely leave a whole lot of room for a sequel). So, in the next couple days, I'm uploading the rest of the story. Enjoy yourselves.**

That weekend was the quidditch match. Artemis was forced to attend by his friends, although he still didn't see the point. The Slytherins, in what could be (and was) construed as good tactics or cheating, had claimed Draco was still injured. Now the game was Gryffindor/Hufflepuff. Artemis didn't see why the Gryffindors were putting up a fuss. Hufflepuff was reasonably good, but not as strong (or brutal) as Slytherin. The two houses were enemies, and generally made attempts to slaughter each other whenever they played, so playing Hufflepuff was probably better for everyone.

Artemis also didn't understand why he had to go. They'd just had DADA, and his was rather curious about Professor Lupin's absence. Snape had had a werewolf lesson, which was also strange. Normally, Artemis quite liked DADA, although the creatures would keep trying to talk to him once they realized he could understand them. Today, it had been slightly boring, with the Slytherins half asleep in a gesture of solidarity. It was horribly windy and rainy, and Slytherins hated both Gryffindors (sodding heroes) and Hufflepuffs (pathetic ickle daffodils). Artemis also had a feeling that something would go horribly wrong, beyond injury or frostbite. Artemis ended up with Justin Finch-Fletchley, who had quite taken to Quidditch and was able to explain the game to Artemis. The other Hufflepuffs were nice enough to give him a space, and occasionally would comment on the game for him if Justin missed something. They were happy that there was a Slytherin who didn't completely despise them.

Artemis was horribly cold. Cold was bad. It brought back memories of the Arctic, and the trolls at 11 Wonders. He blew on his fingers and ate a hot pie that Hufflepuffs had had the forethought to pass out during the game. Normally, he abhorred such things. They ran on his beautifully manicured fingers, making them sticky and burned. Today, he had to admit, they would even beat fresh caviar, perhaps the only food Hogwarts didn't serve. It was ridiculous to worry about sticky fingers when he could barely even move them, they were so stiff.

Then there was the wind and rain. The wind blustered in Artemis' face, chapping his lips and bringing color to his normally pale face. The rain couldn't even properly be called rain, it was more of a repulsive sleet that would frost over his eyelashes and creep through his thick coat to settle as a dampness right where it was most uncomfortable. Then it started to get into his boots, and his socks. They would make a horrible sucking sound when he walked. He sighed irritably. He would definitely feel this tomorrow.

As horrible as spectating was, Artemis knew playing must've been worse. He was quite sure he saw ice forming on the fingers of one of the chasers who zoomed by, and they were all drenched and crashing into each other. Then the lightning started. Oliver Wood called timeout, and they started talking. Artemis saw Hermione cast a spell on Harry's glasses, which appeared to help him see. That was when Diggory spotted the snitch. Potter soon followed him, and it was a race for the snitch. Thank Frond, thought Artemis this will soon be over.

Then the dementors appeared. Dozens of them in their dark cloaks, covering the grounds. Artemis felt the darkness pressing in, not a comforting one, but one filled with fear and death. The visibility decreased more, down to a heavy fog. In it, he saw Opal, who laughed and changed into his mother… but she was sick, and he'd never seen her like that before. Then the voices… It was Root, before he died… Holly, telling him to stop… then it was him… "Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you." What? … He'd never said that, or ever would… flashes of images, the past, the future, the possibilities closing in on him. His mind flickered-

And then someone was shaking him. Artemis was pushed back into reality, and saw Justin, looking worried. "You alright, mate? You looked bad. Need to go to the infirmary?"

Wayne Hopkins, a chubby third year Hufflepuff, handed him some chocolate. "I've heard this helps. My aunt always said chocolate fixes everything." True to his word, he was nibbling a piece of it. Artemis shuddered and looked around. He noticed Susan Bones, another Hufflepuff, was shivering. Her friends were taking care of her. "My mother… father… " she muttered. Tears were falling down her cheeks.

"Her family were killed by You-Know-Who," Justin said. "All of them but her and her aunt. I… I saw the basilisk. Attacked me last year. Those eyes… " Artemis nodded. He wasn't good with feelings, but he would do his best. "My father… he disappeared when I was little, and my mother couldn't handle it. She went insane. I was lucky… I got him back, but he lost a leg."

Justin gasped "Look, Harry Potter, he fell off his broom because of the Dementors! That was like 50 feet down!"

On the pitch, Cedric Diggory and the Gryffindor beaters were picking up Harry and putting him on the stretcher. They started walking toward the school. "Harry will be fine," Artemis said. "There's nothing we can do for them. We've got to deal with those who can use us now." Justin nodded, and they started helping those Hufflepuffs nearby who looked especially affected. Artemis surreptitiously used his fairy magic to give some of them a boost. The Hufflepuffs, while not the bravest or the smartest, always took care of their own.

That evening, dinner was subdued. Draco Malfoy was seemingly oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Potter fell off his broom! Can you believe that? Served him right, it flew right into the whomping willow! No pretty Nimbus 2000 now, Potter!" He was laughing too hard to eat.

"Draco, act with some decorum. If dementors are too much for the worst criminals in the wizarding world, it's too much to expect level headedness from a third year at Hogwarts. Mock when mocking is due."

Draco shut up. Theodore looked thankful. "My mother died in front of me. The dementors brought back memories," he said. The Slytherins had no more altercations for the rest of the dinner.

Later, as he looked up at the clear, starry ceiling, it hit him. It was a full moon. Professor Lupin- his inexplicable absence, Snape's lesson on werewolves, his fear of a silvery orb, even the strange wrongness about him… It all made sense.

Professor Lupin was a werewolf.

 **Hufflepuffs forever! We are the oft under-appreciated house who are actually halfway normal. I like to imagine Bilbo Baggins and Arthur Dent are among our ranks. We are also basically the opposite of Artemis Fowl, but whatever.**

 **You know, in case you didn't notice, Harry Potter is very Harry-centric. He acts as if he's the only person in all of Hogwarts with a bad past. Need I enumerate: Luna's seen her mother die, Neville's parents got cursed, Susan Bones lost her entire family over the years, and most of Slytherins' parents have been sent to Azkaban. Just saying, Harry's life- maybe not the absolute worst.**


	9. Chapter 8: An Enlightening Conversation

**Christmas! In the story, at least. Longer chapter. Some wizard theory. I chickened out of writing a proper conversation for the family dinner.**

* * *

There was nothing Artemis could do with the information, yet. Blackmail was distasteful, and he doubted the professor had anything of value anyway. He noticed that he was giving Potter extra lessons, no doubt to keep the dementors from affecting him so badly. That boy was always pandered to. Naturally, no one had noticed others with bad experiences, like Susan Bones or Artemis himself. He supposed he'd have to do some research himself.

Nothing much interesting happened for the next couple of months, other than Lupin's "mysterious" disappearances during the full moon. Artemis preferred it that way. It meant no one would suspect him of everything. Artemis checked the library, and learned the most effective method of fighting dementors was the Patronus Charm, a spell that created an incorporeal guardian that resembled a misty animal. Artemis tried it in the Room of Requirement, as the house elves called it, but he failed to get more than a silvery wisp. He had trouble with getting a good memory to use. Most of his were tinged with guilt. He left the book he'd used in Susan's bag, hoping she'd get better rewards.

As the weather cooled, so did tempers. Draco became less likely to make an utter fool of himself, and the Gryffindors and Slytherins rarely fought. Potter seemed to be in a constant mope following the loss of his beloved broom, and the constant cloud of despair even started to repel Weasley and Granger. He only seemed to improve at news of Hufflepuff's depressing loss, which raised Gryffindor's chances slightly. Why didn't the boy realise his parents were rich enough he could buy more or less anything he wanted?

That was when Artemis began to create a network throughout the school. Using his bugs, he knew all the gossip circulating Hogwarts. He began with the older students in relationships- those cheating or being cheated. With these, he traded secrets and discretion for information and resources. Some gave political knowledge or spellbooks. Others offered favours and money. From others, all he demanded was that they spread the word. Discreetly, of course. Mulch had gone back to Haven, and promised the first shipments within weeks. Artemis hoped that eventually, he'd be the consultant for just about the entire school. That would eventually turn into connections and power once they were adults. Of course, it was hard when he was only a third year student. Most didn't take him seriously.

Artemis was also beginning plans to become an animagus. First, he had to concoct and take a number of potions, all with rare and volatile ingredients like the yolk of a dragon egg or a vampire's tooth. By his estimate, if he was lucky, it would take until the easter holidays to even hope for having them all, even with some alterations. This was enormously frustrating, but necessary.

One afternoon, in late November, Artemis ran into Lupin. Literally. The man dropped his books and Artemis muttered an apology before trying to walk off. Then the professor grabbed his shoulder.

"Artemis. I've been meaning to talk to you."

Artemis turned to the professor, holding eye contact. Most people found his eyes disconcerting, and found themselves misspeaking in his presence. Perhaps the man would go away. "Yes?"

"Well, my boy, I was wondering if you need someone to talk to. I remember the boggart, and on top of that the dementors. During the quidditch match, you sat with the Hufflepuffs. And you were helping those affected by the dementors. Not average Slytherin behavior, hmm?"

Artemis widened his eyes blandly, hiding his sudden panic. The professor knew far too much. He was more observant than Artemis had anticipated. "But of course, sir. To give a favour to one is to be offered a favour in return."

The professor raised an eyebrow. "Most Slytherins don't see it that way."

Artemis smiled thinly. "My housemates have lost sight of their values. Sometimes you need an outsider to see the truth. Power comes in many forms."

"Well said, Artemis. But it's how you use that power that truly counts."

"Yes. " He smiled. "But the greatest power is in the truth, professor. In the secrets. In what comes out by the light of the moon."

The professor blanched. Artemis continued. "But power also lies in restraint. Remember, some truths were never meant to be revealed. Some things should remain in the shadows."

With that, Artemis turned and left. The professor might be suspicious of him, but he was quite certain that the man wouldn't dig into his secrets unless he was pressed.

Soon it was the Christmas Holidays. Artemis was happy to go home. Though he was loathe to admit it, he missed his family and Butler. He also liked the security of working at home.

Several Hogwarts friends sent him gifts. Luna sent him a subscription to the Quibbler and the last years back copies, which, if not entirely accurate, we're highly entertaining. Justin mailed him a copy of _Quidditch Through The Ages._ The other Hufflepuffs gave him a box of chocolate. Theodore and Blaise sent him some dark grimoires that had been lingering in the corners of their homes. They had numerous explanations on the making of poisons and the taming of basilisks and such. Neville sent him a book on wizard horticulture.

His parents were very glad to have him home. They had a number of questions for him at dinner, but he had prepared answers.

"Arty, dear," asked his mother, "How is your new school… I never caught the name?"

"The Whetherby Institute Academy for Young Gentlemen. It's quite good. Not completely up to my standards, but nonetheless better than the others I've gone to."

"Why don't they send us your grades, or newsletters?"

"Oh, yes, you have to set up a specific school email, and they'll send you notifications." He could set that up later and use it to his advantage.

"Is there a parent visiting day?" his mother asked excitedly.

"I'm afraid not." He did not elucidate, for thankfully that was the moment one of Myles experiments blew up, setting his makeshift lab on fire. Artemis had certainly not set it up to do so, in a cowardly yet successful attempt to avoid a long dinner with further grilling for answers. And most other dinners were certainly not going to be cut short as well simply because Artemis couldn't stand up to the loving-yet-utterly-terrifying stare of Angelina Fowl.

That year was the most… _domestic_ Christmas Artemis had ever had. His parents showed his brothers more warmth than they had ever shown him, and he felt slightly left out. They tried to include him, but it was almost like he was looking at an entirely different family. It wasn't so bad. The twins, as annoying as they were, were starting to grow on him, and it was still nice to have just a little bit of normalcy for once. He especially enjoyed Myles, who reminded him a bit of himself at that age (although not nearly as intelligent, of course). Artemis was glad that his holidays went by without a single near-apocalyptic disaster. He could forget about Dark Lords and dementors and insane pixies for once.

He also had many useful chats with Foaly, Qwan, and N° 1. Apparently, magic was fed by the energy of the wizard. Wizards differed from the average muggle in that their brains could process energy and produce magic on its own. Muggles could be artificially given magic, which would force the brain to begin processing it, but one couldn't simply spell one, or there would be a lot more wizards. To do it, the Muggles core essence had to be altered to allow space for magic, which was what had happened in the time tunnel. Qwan's magic had started it, but it was actually Holly's eye which was magically conducive; his abilities on Hybras were only possible due to deteriorating physics, and on Earth, he needed the tissue of a magical being for it to work. This led to questions of whether one could produce more wizards by contaminating the donated blood in hospitals with wizard blood, but Artemis decided that this would probably lead only to mayhem and the death of the newly created wizards. Although it was still definitely an option…

Wands were also interesting. As it turned out, the average wizard could do some small magic without one, but wands acted as a conduit and focus point for magic. In truth, humans with magic were really the result of a peculiar mutation that occurred relatively recently in evolutionary history (perhaps a few thousand years ago), while fairies actually were supposed to have it, and had evolved it many millions ago. Demon warlocks had more powerful magic than wizards, and a body more conducive to it. What would fry a human alive was normal for the average demon. Their magic ranged freely through their bodies, and was incredibly sloppy and wasteful. They had to do a lot of meditation to handle it, and Artemis advised the demons to use wands, which actually was a sensible innovation.

That being said, wandless magic was a possibility. Humans had less magic, making it easier to control, so meditation, which Artemis was doing anyway in preparation for becoming an Animagus, and a lot of practice, should be sufficient.

There were also different types of magic. The two main types were magic of the individual and magic of the environment. Magic of the individual was what you did to someone (or something) specifically, to their body. The unforgivable curses were all of that variety, as were mesmer, transfiguration, and gift of tongues. Magic of the environment was what one did using the so-called elements or forces of nature. Levitation spells were generally altering the gravitational parameters in a given area, while divination altered the laws of time. Often, you could use either for the same effect. For instance, an illusion spell could be done either by bending the light or spelling someone's mind. The former would be visible to everyone, but the latter could be fine tuned to, say, someone's greatest fear. Both had their uses.

They would have continued to wordless magic and magical artifacts, but there's only so much one can do in a week.

He was almost disappointed to be coming back to school. But of course, once he did, the endless drama of they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip was there to entertain him. Apparently, over the holidays, the boy had received a very expensive broom as a gift. Hermione, being Hermione, had handed it in on the entirely reasonable assumption it was cursed (why else would someone give an already rich boy an expensive broom? It was amazing the boy hadn't been assassinated already, considering his rather gullible nature). So her two friends had amputated themselves, Harry because he was angry she'd taken his new broom and Ron because he lived vicariously through Harry. Of course, all the Gryffindors, short-sighted morons, sided with the boys, and Hermione was left alone in the library. A bit sad, really. But it was then that she confronted him.

She walked up to him while he was reading. "I still don't know how you cursed Harry and Ron," she said morosely.

He smiled thinly without looking up from his book. "You still don't know I did."

"What is with you?"

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Why do you care so much for them? They abandoned you when you were only trying to protect them. Maybe you should reconsider your choice of friends." He tapped his head. "It's all there. A little innovation can go a long way."

Hermione stood her ground. "Can you… can you help me? I feel like I've been slacking lately in my schoolwork. Come to a bit of an intellectual standstill. I need a study partner."

"Studying?" Artemis smirked. "I'd be delighted. My Friday afternoons are free."

The two of them slowly became closer friends. Artemis realised that he was partially a replacement for Harry and Ron, and she was partially doing this to satisfy her curiosity about him, but he was fine with that. She was really the only other student he could talk intellectually to, and her competition gave him reason to strengthen his spell work. The two of them started working more closely together, despite the dislike of their friendship by their respective houses. Draco was particularly verbose.

"Mudbloods band together, Fowl?"

Artemis rubbed his forehead. "People more intelligent than you band together, Draco. Granger is more intellectually advanced than the average witch or wizard, which I appreciate in an intellectual desert."

Malfoy looked confused, and wisely chose not to press the matter. Potter and Weasley, foolish Gryffindors that they were, chose differently.

"Hermione, you shouldn't go about with Fowl! He's a bad influence. Nasty little Death Eater!" Ron's attempt at whispering failed miserably in the library.

"Well you aren't being very chummy! Who else would I go with?" Potter and Weasley glared at Artemis for corrupting their (ex?) friend. He ignored them. Eventually, they-who-are-attached-at -the-hip became attached at the hip again, but Hermione, remained something close to a friend.

One day, as Artemis was walking back to Hogwarts for lunch after a horrible Care for Magical Creatures class. Those nasty little thieves were most definitely not LEPrecon. He'd definitely not seen them out and about in Ireland, and he was thankful for the fact. That was when he heard a voice, muttering to itself. An animal voice, a dog, in the bushes at the edge of the forest.

 _ **They're all wrong… suspecting me… Poor Harry… Haven't got a clue… Nasty little rat…**_

Artemis frowned. Dogs weren't that coherent. That voice had a human tinge to it, like their was a mind behind it. Which meant… He pulled out his wand and ran through immobilizing spells in his head. Out of the bushes came a large black dog, the so-called Grimm.

" _Immobulus!_ " The dog was frozen in place for a few seconds, and then it _flickered_ and snapped out of the spell. _Slightly impervious to spells of the body. Hmm… partial transformation halts the affect._ " _Petrificus Totalus!_ " The Grimm froze. " _Locomotor._ " With a flick of his wand, the frozen dog rose into the air, and Artemis pulled it into the forest, where he let it down. He pointed his wand at the dog and undid the freezing spell. _**Turn back, animagus.**_

The dog, startled, changed into a human. " _Incarcerous,_ " said Artemis. Then he looked at his prisoner. "Now who could you be… Poor Harry… hmmm…" The man stared at him sullenly. He was bedraggled, with matted dark hair and sad eyes. Artemis snapped his fingers. "This explains a lot, Sirius Black. I wondered how you would escape. Animagi aren't noticed by dementors, then? Useful information."

The man glared. "And who are you? Mini-Voldemort. Slytherin, I'll bet. Future Dark Lord."

"Interesting. Not fond of Voldemort, are you? Which would be strange for a supposed Death Eater. Which means, this is either a well thought out act, something you planned on the off chance someone might be able to understand a dog's crazed rambling or… the entire magical population was mistaken about the circumstances that night James and Lily Potter died. Someone else betrayed them. You were just the convenient scapegoat."

Black looked surprised. "What?"

Artemis sighed. "It is _your_ story, isn't it? _You_ were betrayed. Everyone thought it was you, but it must've been… Peter Pettigrew. The other school friend. You confronted him, he disappeared without his thumb after blowing up the square. The rat… He's an unregistered animagus as well. That's how he escaped. The rat… is Ron's rat. The one that's twelve years old."

Black's eyes grew larger. "How did you figure it out?"

Artemis smiled. "I _am_ a genius. Literally."

"Wow. Umm… care to untie me?"

Artemis smirked. "I don't know… Years in Azkaban could unhinge anyone. I could probably make money off you… And you insulted my house."

Black snarled. "You little Death Eater scum!"

Artemis rolled his eyes. "I'm a muggle born. Hardly a Death Eater. I suppose I should untie you. Want to kill Pettigrew, yes? That's why you broke into the Gryffindor tower. Not for Ron, or Harry, but for the rat. That cat of Granger's… ally of yours?"

Sirius Black nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about this kid. It's been real." The man pulled his wand out of his back pocket. Artemis' eyes widened, and he opened his mouth, but it was too late. " _Obliviate!_ " Then everything blurred.

 _Sirius Black_

Sirius was in the bushes by the whomping willow, wallowing in memories and self guilt. He was muttering, but it wasn't as if anyone understood him. _They're all wrong… suspecting me… Poor Harry… Haven't got a clue… Nasty little rat…_ He huffed and walked out of the bushes.

Then the impossible happened. A kid was pointing his wand at him. " _Immobulus!_ " Sirius shook it off. " _Petrificus Totalus!_ " He was frozen. " _Locomotor_." This kid was what, 13? How had he captured Sirius?

The kid took him to the edges of the forest. Then he unfroze him. _**Turn back, animagus**_. That kid spoke the language of dogs! How was that possible? Sirius turned back, and the kid tied him up. "Now who could you be… Poor Harry… hmmm…" Sirius stared. The kid looked like kid Voldemort, but his eyes… one was cold and clinical, but the other was warm and welcoming. "This explains a lot, Sirius Black. I wondered how you would escape. Animagus aren't noticed by dementors, then? Useful information."  
"And who are you? Mini-Voldemort. Slytherin, I'll bet. Wannabe Dark Lord."

The kid looked weirdly thoughtful. "Interesting. Not fond of Voldemort, are you? Which would be strange for a supposed Death Eater. Which means, this is either a well thought out act, something you planned on the off chance someone might be able to understand a dog's crazed rambling or… the entire magical population was mistaken about the circumstances that night James and Lily Potter died. Someone else betrayed them. You were just the convenient scapegoat."

Sirius was stunned. How had the kid figured out the truth based on a few sentences? "What?"

The kid looked exasperated. "It is _your_ story, isn't it. _You_ were betrayed. Everyone thought it was you, but it must've been… Peter Pettigrew. The other school chum. You confronted him, he disappeared without his thumb after blowing up the square. The rat… He's an unregistered animagus as well. That's how he escaped. The rat… is Ron's rat. The one that's twelve years old."

"How did you figure it out?"

"I _am_ a genius. Literally." Ah. That explained it.

"Wow. Umm… care to untie me?"

The boy smirked. "I don't know… Years in Azkaban could unhinge anyone. I could probably make money off you… And you insulted my house."

Sirius snarled. "You little Death Eater scum!" This kid was off his rocker, genius or not!

Artemis rolled his eyes. "I'm a muggle born. Hardly a Death Eater. I suppose I should untie you. Want to kill Pettigrew, yes? That's why you broke into the Gryffindor tower. Not for Ron, or Harry, but for the rat. That cat of Granger's… ally of yours?"

Sirius reached behind him. He could almost reach… _There_! "Yeah. Sorry about this kid. It's been real." He pulled his wand out of his pocket and angled it as best as he could at the boy. His eyes widened, and Sirius hit him with a memory charm. He went down, unconscious. Sirius worked off his bonds, and left Artemis on the doorstep of the school. Then he turned back into a dog and ran off into the forest. _Didn't even learn his name._

 _Artemis Fowl_

Artemis woke up in the infirmary. He groaned. His head hurt, and there was a slippery spot in it. Something that didn't want to be seen, that he just skipped over lightly. Then there was nothing. There had never been anything. Why had he thought there had been something? He blinked hard. Madam Pomfrey rushed over, looking concerned.

"What happened to you, young man? You were found on the threshold, out cold."

He winced. "I don't know. I remember… walking from Care for Magical Creatures and then… nothing. I woke up here."

Madam Pomfrey nodded sympathetically. "All right. Well, call me if you need anything. You'll have to stay here until tomorrow morning. Just in case." She rushed off to do something.

Artemis lay down. What could have happened to him? This was like… like after the memory wipe. But smaller. Less subtle. But was there anything? What if this was all a construct of his mind? Of some horrible disorder? _Nonsense. Stop deluding yourself, your mind is in perfect order. Just missing something._ That was when Hermione came in. "What happened?" she asked.

Artemis didn't want to reveal a potential weakness. "I don't know. I don't remember. Nothing happened, I'm sure."

Hermione frowned. "Surely _something_ happened. I doubt you just knocked yourself unconscious."

Artemis knew that more unlikely (and embarrassing) things had happened to him before. "Maybe. I don't know. Probably nothing. Don't worry."

Hermione nodded, looking distracted. "Probably… well, I hope you get better." Hermione rushed off. Artemis frowned. There was definitely something unsettling about it. _Nothing happened. There are plenty of plausible answers._ Of course, all the plausible answers were bad and definitely out of the ordinary, but he conveniently ignored that. He also ignored the part of his brain telling him something was missing, reminding him of the mind wipe. _Nothing is wrong._

Artemis was visited by several Hufflepuffs, Theodore and Blaise, and Neville. All were considerably more worried about what was missing than he was. Artemis ignored them. _They're just being paranoid.  
_

* * *

 **This will totally matter later! I figure any proper memory spell, similarly to _A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's_ hacking, will make the subject want to ignore what's missing from their mind. Just going a bit further than the standard mind wipe, which fills in the gaps.**


	10. Chapter 9: Finals

**Yes. I do know I'm moving fast. I kind of wanted to add in a couple scenes in between these chapters, but then I got lazy.**

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The next day, Artemis came down to breakfast with some apprehension. Draco was not going to be pleasant. Sure enough…

"Fowl! Heard you fainted. Weren't even any dementors to do it, were there?"

"Draco, do not talk of that which you do not know."

Draco grinned. "But you don't know either, eh mate?" he howled.

Artemis sent a withering glare towards him until his laughter died away. "I would suggest that you never bring the matter up again, Draco. Wouldn't want anything… untoward to happen." Draco nodded hurriedly. No one bothered Artemis again that morning.

That afternoon, they had Divination. Trelawney, the fool, had started them on palmistry after break. Artemis couldn't glean anything from that lesson, but Luna always gave uncannily accurate predictions. Trelawney had heard about Artemis' mysterious memory loss, and advised him that it was almost certainly a fatal tumor. She lacked the foresight to shut up under Artemis' death glare, and Artemis predicted that the woman would find every single one of her teacups and drapes changed to an irreversible and rather sickening shade of lime green when she woke the next morning.

Studying with Hermione was not fun. Apparently, she'd gotten into another fight with Ron. This time, it was over the rat. Artemis didn't like the rat. The little creature didn't act like a rat. It cared less about food and predators, like a sensible rodent, and more about looking nervous and pretending to sleep. He knew it was pretending because it would mutter nonsensically, and rats didn't have dreams. Apparently, her cat had tried to eat Ron's rat. So now Hermione was in a state of near hysterics, which was very annoying. And on top of that, her cat was studying with them.

Hermione was worried Ron would try to hurt her cat or get rid of it, so it wasn't leaving her sight. The creature was very suspicious. It would say things about **_Him_** , and Artemis was quite sure _**He** _ was not another cat. Crookshanks, as Hermione called the cat, had plans. It talked about plans to catch the rat, not for food or play, but for justice,and for **_Him_** _._ It was quite worrying, and Artemis had trouble not replying to the cat when it spoke. He was certain the cat knew he understood it. Needless to say, they didn't get much done that day.

The next week was the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw quidditch match. Artemis sat with Luna, who always had amusing comments on the game, or the clouds as it may be. Today, it was sunny. It was a bit of an anticlimactic game at first. Potter had an unfair advantage with the Firebolt- if it were fair, all the students would use the same, school provided, model of broom. That would also serve to reduce the ridiculous rivalry that revolved around owning the best broom. They'd managed to build a pitch, it couldn't be that hard. Naturally, all the Gryffindors were flaunting it as if it was theirs, including the supposedly objective commentator, Lee Jordan.

It only became somewhat exciting when dementors came onto the pitch. Potter cast a patronus that Artemis didn't quite catch sight of, and then immediately caught the snitch. Artemis frowned. It galled him that the boy could produce a nearly corporeal patronus like that. Naturally, the dementors were not actual dementors, but Draco and his gorillas. They both got detention and lost fifty points between them. _What did they expect? For Potter to scream in terror and fall off his broom?_ Artemis left, feeling rather unimpressed by Slytherin's efforts to bring down Gryffindor.

That afternoon, Artemis found something else to lower his opinion of the bravest of the brave. He was walking down the hallway when he heard sobbing sounds. He turned the corner and saw Hermione, bawling her eyes out. When she saw him, she wrapped her arms around his legs and sobbed even harder. He patted her back awkwardly. Needless to say, Fowl was not good at comforting sobbing girls.

"What's wrong?" he asked, although he didn't really want to know.

"Harry and Ron!" she wailed. "Ron still blames me for Scabbers!"

"Yes, but honestly, even if Crookshanks did do it, that rat's been alive long enough. It's evidently well past its golden years."

Hermione sobbed harder. "I bet it just ran away! Why is Ron so attached to it? Its name's Scabbers, for Merlin's sake."

Artemis nodded in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. "Yes, quite. I'm sure it will turn up sooner or later."

Eventually, Hermione quieted down. Artemis sent her back to the Gryffindor dorm. Of course this was not better for her.

That night, Sirius Black broke into the Gryffindor dorm, coming after Ron, apparently. This stirred something in the back of Artemis' head, but he brushed it off. The security was amped up, with Filch patrolling the castle and sealing holes and trolls patrolling the Gryffindor hallways. Artemis had to comfort Neville, who had been at fault for Sirius Black getting in. The unfortunate boy had written the passwords down, and Sirius Black somehow got the note. Now everyone was angry at him, except for Artemis, who didn't feel that Sirius Black was that serious a problem. It would be pathetically easy to kill Harry Potter if he was actually trying. The Gryffindor even got a Howler, a screaming letter, from his grandmother. Ron would not shut up about the whole incident, and Artemis was also forced to listen to a number of Slytherins who complained bitterly about Potter not getting killed. The only good thing was that it distracted people from the mysteries surrounding Artemis, and he was able to continue his studies in the as of yet undiscovered Room of Requirement.

Life did not get better in the next week. Hermione was heaping her worries onto Artemis, almost making him regret the whole "friends" thing. She was worried about Buckbeak, the hippogriff that attacked Draco, and about Harry and Ron's mysterious map, and about Scabbers and Crookshank, and about Sirius Black.

The map, at least, sounded interesting. It must've required a complex spell, and considering how rarely someone that creative came along, he was rather intrigued as to its creation and creator. It would certainly be a valuable asset. It could also explain why Potter hadn't been raising more of a fuss about Hogsmeade.

Artemis' suspicions were justified when Potter got caught by Draco. Professor Snape was very angry at Potter, and Artemis had listened to their arguments over the bugs he'd planted throughout the school. He definitely needed to look into the backstory. It was particularly interesting how Lupin had come to Potter's defense. Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs… something stirred in the back of his mind. Moony… a werewolf, perhaps?

The next day, Hermione was in tears. Buckbeak was going to be killed. Artemis felt it was rather a pity. The creature had seemed quite intelligent. But then, so did pigs, and most people had no qualms about killing them.

Apparently, Hermione was just about fed up with all the incompetence surrounding her. In Divination, they began crystal balls. Artemis looked deep into his orb, and saw his reflection in the mist. At least, he had thought it was his reflection, until it grinned dopily and waved before skipping back into the fog. He frowned. That did not bode well. Artemis Fowl II never _skipped._

That was when Hermione left in huff. Trelawney had seen the Grimm in Potter's crystal. The top giggler, Lavender, nattered about Trelawney's ridiculous prophecy from earlier in the year. Artemis rubbed his eyes. He suspected today would end badly.

Luna gave him another prophecy, of sorts. He'd taken to recording her words (which sounded creepier than it was) in case they proved to have meaning later. She said, "The wolf's weight shall tip the fox's scale. The game twists in ways none suspect. What was once wiped clean shall fester, until restored to former glory." Artemis found that her prophecies generally referred to him as "the fox." The wolf was evidently Lupin. This one implied that his plans would somehow go awry, or at least that something unpredicted would happen. He didn't like that. As for the "wiped clean" bit… he had no idea.

During their study session, Hermione was in a panic. Finals were coming up, and she somehow was taking every subject but (as of today) divination. Artemis had no idea of her workload until that day. _How could she take every subject, when they shared time slots? Unless she was time traveling. Wizards and time travel… Time turners!_

That was when Artemis saw the chain around Hermione's neck. It was tucked into her robes, so it could be something else. Artemis knew it wasn't. Hermione wouldn't wear any sort of jewelry frivolously.

So Hermione was using a time turner. It galled Artemis slightly. That would make her _technically_ the better student, defying the natural order to get good grades. But it would be necessary in the coming days…

"Artemis!" He frowned. What coming days? Lately, strange thoughts had been coming into his head. "Yes, Hermione?"

"I've still got to study for Arithmancy and History, and it's nearly curfew! What am I going to do?"

"I don't take Arithmancy., But I understand the theory well enough." He paused. "Why are you worrying about time? You do have a time turner."

Hermione was hyperventilating. "Merlin! I have so much-" She froze. "What's this about time turners?"

"You know, the one you've been using all year?"

Her shoulders slumped. "I'm almost surprised you didn't figure it out earlier. Why did I do this?"

Artemis patted her back. "You'll need it. And this by no means makes you a better student than me."

"What do you mean, 'you'll need it?' "

"Nothing. It's a muggle figure of speech. Don't worry about passing. You will do fine."

Hermione inhaled and straightened up. They got back to work.

The next day was the quidditch match. Gryffindors won, and a number of Slytherins got injured. There was a fight between the two groups. Artemis was bored.

After that, it was finals. Artemis wasn't really worried. First was Herbology; they had to successfully re-pot puffapods and remove the weevils from a venomous tentacula. It was awful. Artemis had several cuts and scratches on his hands, and a nasty sunburn on the back of his neck.

Next was History of Magic, which was pathetically easy if you had listened to half of what Binns had said. Of course, most students never got past the second sentence of any of his lectures. That night, they had astronomy, which Artemis was also certain he'd passed.

The next day was Potions and Transfiguration, and Care for Magical Creatures. Potions was a Confusing Concoction, and Transfiguration was a series of test like turning teapots into tortoises. Artemis did both easily. Care For Magical Creatures was just to keep a flobberworm alive for an hour, giving Artemis a chance to eavesdrop on they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip. Apparently, they were friends again. Buckbeak was depressed, and his execution in two days.

Wednesday morning was Charms and Divination. Charms was actually fun. As for DADA…

Artemis had to wade across a deep paddling pool containing a grindylow, cross a series of potholes full of Red Caps, squish their way across a patch of marsh while ignoring misleading directions from a hinkypunk, then climb into an old trunk and battle with a new boggart. Artemis was last.

Thoroughly bedraggled, he climbed into the trunk. There, the creature flickered until settling on him, just like before. It held out its hand, and a darkness swirled in it. Then it grinned. Artemis raised his wand. Then the darkness surrounded him. "Ri-" He couldn't see anything. His skin crawled as he listened to the laughter. He fell to his knees. He couldn't make this funny. What could stop this? He raised his wand, and gathered his strength. He had an idea… a custom spell, untested…

" _Sanguinus thirio, per umbra!_ " The creature screamed horribly as Artemis' shadow grew and darkened, enveloping it. It rippled and shrank, until it was back to Artemis' size. Then the shadow pulsed, and flattened into its normal shape. The boggart was nowhere to be seen. Artemis got out of the chest, and saw Lupin and the other Slytherins, looking afraid. The professor nodded.

"The boggart's gone… " He bit his lip. "Full marks."

Next was divination. The students were called in one by one. Using the bug placed in the room, Artemis was able to record what happened inside. Potter's was interesting. Trelawney gave a prophecy. During his own, Artemis saw the Grimm. His head twinged. Then he saw the time turner, and the whomping willow. Naturally, he wouldn't tell Trelawney, so he made things up.

"I see an army in a field. One man stands against them, casting a great shadow. And then… " Artemis squinted. "I see a palace. It crumbles, pillar by pillar. Then an eye. It stares back, unseeing. Blood… trickling down the drain." He said this all in a very dramatic voice. Trelawney nodded fervently.

"Yes, yes! I see great potential in you, my boy! Go forth, and do not speak of this day, lest great harm befell you!"

Artemis walked out, notably underwhelmed. He was going to go back to his dorm. He was tired.

* * *

 **I've always thought that the Marauder's Map was one interesting bit of magic, especially for the work of four students. That spell was a weird garbled google translate mix of Greek and Latin. It means Bleed, beast, by the shadow. It's kind of dark magic.**


	11. Chapter 10: Revelations

**Yes! The Grand Finale! Although not the last chapter. This is where all the action is.**

* * *

Artemis woke from his nap at around 5 o'clock. He looked out the window on an urge and saw… they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip. And the Grimm. His head twinged. The Grim dragged Ron towards the tree. He had to get down there. Something was going on.

As Artemis was about to get out the door, he ran into Draco. _Damn._

"Fowl! Where do you think you're going?"

"Somewhere that doesn't concern you, Draco." He winced. That would only increase the boy's interest.

"And what was with the boggart? There was a scream. Was that you, screaming like a girl, Fowl?"

 _I don't have time for this. WORK TO DO HURRY HURRY HURRY-_ Artemis pulled out his wand, but Draco was faster. " _Expelliarmus._ " Draco held him at wand point. "What's with you? Tell me, Fowl!"

Artemis had no choice. "Them! The trio! Into the tree!" Any other time he would have cringed at his grammar, but he was in far too much pain.

"What tree, Fowl?"

"There!" He pointed at the willow. Draco's head snapped over, and in a rare burst of physical prowess, Artemis shoved him over, picked up his wand, and ran. Draco quickly followed towards the mysteriously frozen tree. Then Artemis saw the opening in the roots, and dove for it. As he did, the tree started to stir, it snapped at his leg, and pain burst into it, but he was through. He went down the dark passageway, limping. Draco would no doubt follow soon, and his head kept feeling worse. _HURRY HURRY HURRY-_

"Fowl." It was Draco. He froze. He wouldn't get away this time. He turned slowly.

"What is going on?"

"Sirius Black-" a new wave of pain crashed down on him. "The trio, the wolf, the cat! Everything, all the answers, are down here! I have- I have to-" Artemis almost collapsed. Draco rushed over.

"Whatever's down here, you are clearly in no condition to continue. Are you off in the head, Fowl?"

"Ahhh!" Artemis groaned. Draco kept him from falling over. "I have to know… they need me… my head… "

"Alright, I can't drag you back, and you can't stop me from going, so let's call truce and see what's up there."

"Nnngghhhh… truce." Draco hoisted up Artemis, who swayed. Then they started walking up the incline after what seemed like ages. They could see the light.

They walked out into a dusty room, full of broken furniture. "Ergggh… shrieking shack." said Artemis.

That was when something hit Draco in the back of the head. He fell down. Holly phased into existence. "What are you doing to Artemis?" she shouted.

"Bloody hell! What are you?" shouted Draco. Neither noticed Artemis, feebly trying to get up like an insect on its back.

"Holly Short, elf, captain of the LEPrecon. Who are you?"

"Draco Malfoy. My father-"

"Draco… shut up about your father. No one cares." Artemis turned to Holly. "He's alright. Did you see three students our age and a large, black dog come by?"

"They went upstairs. I've been living here for the past month or so. The dog can turn into a man."

A stab of pain went through Artemis' head. Holly frowned. She used her magic, and his leg was fixed. "Artemis, I can't heal your head. There's some sort of… patch in your brain. Your memory's messed up."

"What's going on?" burst out Draco.

"Okay. Draco, I swear I'll explain this later. I'm sure my memory will be restored soon. For now… we need to see what's upstairs."

Holly shielded and Draco and Artemis crept somewhat stealthily upstairs. They saw lights in one room. Holly whispered to them, "4 people. One cat. Redhead has a broken ankle. Dog man has all the wands."

Artemis drew a shuddering breath. "Okay, Holly, don't engage. Fairy civilization trumps serial killer. I'll just-"

"HE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD!"

Artemis stumbled into the doorway, loudly. Everyone turned to look at him. Then he saw Black.

"YOU!" said Potter, Artemis, and Black. Then Artemis keeled over, his head full of images. He blacked out.

 _Draco_

This was probably the strangest day in Draco's life. First the mudblood of Slytherin rushes into him, incoherent. Then they go into a passage beneath the whomping willow. Then, for no reason at all, he calls truce with his enemy. Then he meets a fairy. To top it all off, Fowl happens to know a serial killer somehow. He would need at least a week to recover.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a week. He rushed over to Artemis (the fairy girl had disappeared) and slapped him. That was supposed to wake people up. But Artemis just stared with his multi colored eyes, unseeing. _Wait! The fairy girl! Her eyes were the same as his. What?_

"Little Death Eater!" roared Sirius Black.

"Malfoy!" shouted Potter.

"I'm not a Death Eater yet!" said Draco murmured.

"Not you! Him!" Black pointed at Fowl. "Bastard tied me up! Creepy little bugger!"

"What?" said Potter. "He's a Death Eater! Why would he tie you up? He's on your side!"

"No!" said Draco and Hermione. They both looked confused. "Fowl is a mudblood! He's more likely to become a Dark Lord than a Death Eater!" said Draco. Granger glared at him. "We study together. He's my friend!"

Weasel was out for the count. Fortunately, he had nothing to add.

Black lunged at Potter. He had his arms around the boy's neck. Granger kicked him. Crookshank attacked Potter. _Wasn't the cat Granger's?_ They all fought, while Draco just sat there, not wanting to get hurt. He wasn't even really certain of whose side he was on. Finally they broke up. Potter had his wand pointed at Sirius. Granger had her and Weasel's wands. Draco frantically slapped Fowl. The genius seemed like he could get them out of the situation.

"Going to kill me, Harry?" asked Black.

That was when Fowl woke up. "Stop, you idiots! I remember, now!"

They turned towards Fowl. Potter's hand trembled. "He killed my parents."

Fowl sighed exasperatedly. "No, he didn't. He's not a Death Eater. Peter Pettigrew was."

Potter looked confused. "No, Pettigrew was the bloke _he_ killed." He gestured at Black. "What do _you_ know, Death Eater?"

"I don't deny it," said Black. "But if you knew the whole story."

"The whole story?" Potter repeated. "You sold them to Voldemort. That's all I need to know."

"Potter, you're wrong. Do you need me to spell it out for you?" He took in Potter's expression. "Evidently, you do. The elder Potter was friends with Black and Pettigrew. One of them betrayed him. Everyone thought it was Black, because Pettigrew was dead. But they were all unregistered animagi. Black is a dog, and Pettigrew is a rat."

Potter didn't look interested in listening to Fowl. He pointed his wand at Sirius. Fowl sighed and grabbed his own wand. Crookshank shielded Black. Then they heard footsteps.

"UP HERE!" shouted Granger.

Up the stairs came Professor Lupin. "Expelliarmus!" All the wands were his. "Where is he, Sirius?" Black pointed at Weasel. "But then..." Lupin muttered, staring at Black so intently it seemed he was trying to read his mind, "... why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless" - Lupin's eyes suddenly widened, as though he was seeing something beyond Black, something none of the rest could see, "- unless he was the one... unless you switched... without telling me?" Black nodded. Lupin walked over and helped Black up.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" shouted Granger.

Lupin turned to her. "Hermione… "

"You and him! I've been covering for you-"

"Hermione, listen to me, please'" Lupin shouted. "I can explain -"

"I trusted you," shouted Potter, his voice wavering, out of control, "and all the time you've been his friend!"

"You're wrong," said Lupin. "I haven't been Sirius's friend, but I am now - Let me explain..."

"NO!" Granger screamed. "Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too - he's a werewolf!"

"A werewolf?" It was Draco, who had wisely stayed quiet until now. _I can't believe it._ "Teaching? My father-"

"Draco, don't bother. Actually, Hermione, you're wrong, for once." All eyes turned to Fowl. "Definitely a werewolf. That was obvious. But haven't you been listening? Neither of them want Potter dead."

"What would you know, Slytherin?" said Potter.

"More than you can imagine, Potter. Tell me professor, do all the staff know your a werewolf? I doubt any parents do. You got here with the map, I presume?" The professor nodded dumbly. "Where's your rat, Weasley?" asked Fowl.

Weasel pulled the rat out of his pocket. "What's Scabbers got to do with it?"

"Scabbers is an animagus. He's Pettigrew."

"You're mental, Fowl," said Potter. Even Hermione looked hesitant. "There was a streetful of witnesses. He died 12 years ago."

"No, he didn't. He escaped as a rat. All three of them, Senior Potter, Black, and Pettigrew were animagi. Lupin is a werewolf."

"There couldn't be three unregistered animagi!" Hermione exclaimed.

Just then, the door swung open. Nothing came through. _Could be Holly, but she would be more discreet._

"Nothing there," said Lupin. He sighed. "I suppose I should tell you my story."

"I was a very small boy when I received the bite. My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure. The potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery. It makes me safe, you see. As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform… I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again.

"Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month. It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts. Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me…"

 _Artemis_

Artemis lost interest. He was more interested in the heat spot of something invisible or shielded. Holly was a little shy of four feet. But this haze reached about 6 feet in the air. It also didn't have the look of a shielding fairy.

"Excuse me," he said to Lupin. "I'd like to have my wand back please."

Lupin looked suspicious, but he tossed it over. Naturally, Artemis didn't catch it, which led to some rather undignified scrabbling on the floor. He picked it up, and mentally ran through spells that could take down a wizard. _Presumably, they're using an invisibility cloak. I can't take the risk that it actually is Holly, so I can't strike first. Casting spells like that is ungainly, so they depend upon the element of surprise. It will take two seconds to get the cloak off, and another to cast the spell. So they can probably incapacitate one person before I can hit them. Probably Lupin, he has all the wands, unless they are suspicious of me. Which is possible. I may also be overestimating my reaction time. Maybe I will just wait and see how this plays out._

That was when the person struck. "That's right." It was Snape. He pointed his wand at Lupin. _Didn't expect him to engage with words. But really, he should attack. Five to one, without me or Draco. Even without wands, they could win easily. The average potions master wouldn't have killed anyone, although Snape…_

Snape tied up Lupin. He pointed his wand at Black. They all started arguing. When sparks came out of Snape's wand, Artemis started worrying the whole situation would blow up. Time to act.

"Stupefy!" Snape went down. A spell shot out of his wand and hit Draco, who was knocked out. Black shook his head. "You shouldn't have done that."

Hermione whimpered. "You attacked a teacher! And Malfoy's out cold!"

Black untied Lupin. Artemis scowled. "I had no choice."

"I still don't believe you," said Potter.

"Well, I trust there's a spell to undo animagi transformations?" said Artemis. Sirius nodded. "There was one thing I wondered. How did you know that the Weasley's rat was Pettigrew from prison?"

He pulled out the newspaper picture from the Weasleys' trip to Egypt. "When he came to inspect Azkaban last year, he gave me his paper. And there was Peter, on the front page… on this boy's shoulder… I knew him at once… how many times had I seen him transform? And the caption said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts… to where Harry was…"

"And he's missing a toe," said Artemis. "He probably cut it off to fake his death."

"OF COURSE! HE FAKED HIS DEATH SO YOU WOULDN'T KILL HIM! LIKE YOU DID MY PARENTS!"

"Harry-" He cut Lupin off. "I SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU TO SNAPE!"

"Potter, this is easily resolved." Artemis nodded to Black. "Do the spell. Weasley, give him the rat."

Ron hesitated. Lupin nodded. "It won't hurt him." Ron handed the rat over.

"On three?" asked Sirius. Lupin nodded. "One… Two… THREE!" They cast the spell.

The rat froze in midair for a few short seconds, contorting violently. Then it dropped to the floor, and started to grow unnaturally. First the head, then arms and legs shooting out.

A small, grubby looking man sat there. Crookshank growled. _**Rat**_ _ **.**_ He was, indeed, a very rat-like man.

"Well, hello, Peter," said Lupin pleasantly, as though rats frequently erupted into old school friends around him. "Long time, no see."

"S—Sirius… R—Remus…" Even Pettigrew's voice was squeaky. Again, his eyes darted toward the door. "My friends… my old friends…"

"We've been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed—"

"Remus," gasped Pettigrew, and Harry could see beads of sweat breaking out over his pasty face, "you don't believe him, do you…? He tried to kill me, Remus…"

"Likely story!" roared Sirius.

They continued like this for some time. Then Crookshank meowed. _**Full moon.**_ " _D'arvit!_ " Artemis muttered. "We don't have time for this. It's a full moon tonight." Lupin's eyes widened in horror. "We have to get out of here! The building isn't as reinforced as it used to be. A werewolf in Hogsmeade… "

Sirius pointed his wand at Pettigrew. "We have to kill him. After everything he did… " Lupin nodded.

"No! You can't kill him!. We can send him to Azkaban. He deserves it, if anyone does."

"All right Harry. If that's your choice… " Harry nodded resolutely. They tied Pettigrew up.

"This is all very touching, but we should move, before he turns," said Artemis. He pointed his wand at Draco. " _Rennervate!_ " Draco woke up, rather confused, and the group moved down the passageway.

They nearly made it home safe. But as they came out of the tunnel, the full moon revealed itself from behind a cloud. Lupin went rigid, and convulsed.

"GO!" shouted Black. "I'll take care of it!"

Unfortunately, although the Slytherins both really wanted to run, the Gryffindors were held back by Weasley, Snape, and Pettigrew, who were all chained together. Draco tried, as did Artemis. But they were stopped by Hermione. "You can't just leave us behind!"

"Watch us, mudblood!" shouted Draco. Artemis hesitated. Hermione, at least was his friend. He would never be able to forgive himself if they died. Nor would Holly, or Butler, or his mother. He started going back, wand in hand. "What are you doing, Fowl?" Draco called back, panicking.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

Draco groaned. "Come off it! I still owe you for that other time!" He shook his head and followed Artemis. _There's a surprise._

Weasley was injured. Pettigrew had escaped, and Snape was still out. Black was just barely holding his and Hermione ran off to help Sirius. Weasley was unconscious, so it wouldn't hurt to use healing magic… Artemiss tried to heal him, but only a few blue sparks shot out. _D'arvit._ He must need to do the ritual to make his fairy abilities return. Healing spells were one area he'd never researched carefully.

" _Fowl!_ " hissed Draco. Artemis looked up. "What was that?"

"Different magic," he said. "I need an acorn. The river must have an underground source, so any will do."

"An _acorn?_ " he hissed. " _What do you need an acorn for?_ "

Artemis shook his head. "I'll explain later. _Locomotor._ " He lifted up Weasley and started moving him towards the school.

" _Fowl._ "

"What is-" The werewolf made a growling sound. They started running. "We have to split up!"

Draco nodded. He turned towards the forest, and Artemis ran for his life and Weasley's towards the castle. He crashed through the door, where he dropped Weasley, panting. Madam Pomfrey, who was fortunately on duty, came rushing down. "What happened?" Artemis shook his head wordlessly.

Then he heard the scream.

It was Draco's. He ran out the door, towards where it came from. There he saw Draco, clutching at a tree branch, as the werewolf mercilessly tore into his leg. " _Relashio!"_ The werewolf let go, and Artemis grabbed hold of Draco. " _Wingardium Leviosa!"_ He levitated them by their clothes up to a tree branch. The werewolf growled and left, probably in search of Harry and Hermione. But Artemis didn't have time to worry about that. Draco was unconscious and bleeding heavily. He would die without help. Artemis looked around. It was an oak tree. He grabbed an acorn. _Earth. D'arvit._ He had to bury it in the earth. Maybe a connection through magic was enough. He pointed at it. " _Depulso acorn!_ " It shot downwards, blasting the acorn into the ground. "I return you to the earth, and claim the gift that is my right." Blue sparks ran crackling up his arm, and he gasped as it fixed all his cuts and scratches. He touched Draco's leg. "Heal." Draco's skin knitted up and his broken bones straightened. Torn muscles healed and Draco relaxed into sleep. He wasn't left untouched. He still had a lot of scarred tissue and would probably limp for the rest of his life, but he would survive. Artemis leaned back and fell asleep.

* * *

 **Yeah. Artemis!whump. So I know the whole ritual thing only happens when the fairy's hand buries it (as showcased with the sealed acorn in The Arctic Incident), but I figure a wand is basically part of a wizard, and that the whole beam of magic thing is also like an extension of a wizard's energy.**


	12. Chapter 11: Loose Ends

**That's right! It's Chapter the Last! WHOOOO! *Victory Lap***

* * *

Artemis woke up in the hospital wing. Draco was in the bed next to his, and they-who-are- attached-at-the-hip were across from him. Madam Pomfrey rushed over to his bed. "Good, you're awake!"

He blinked groggily at her. "What happened?"

She gave him a calculating look. "I was hoping you could tell me. You were found this morning in a tree with Mr. Malfoy by some early risers."

"Is Draco alright?"

"He hasn't woken up yet. He also has a nasty scar around his leg, but he should be fine."

He won't be fine. He's a werewolf. "Good. I don't quite remember what happened."

She looked suspicious, but she nodded and gave him some food. He went back to sleep. Later, Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge came in to talk to Artemis.

"Hello, m'boy. I heard you were involved in the ermh, incident last night."

"I am afraid I can't say." Artemis widened his eyes innocently. "I don't remember a thing."

"Definitely Confounded," Fudge muttered. "Are you sure? What do you think of when I say 'Sirius Black'?"

Artemis shuddered, more from laughter than fear. "Blood! SO MUCH BLOOD!" Fudge did not understand basic psychology, even if Artemis had been confounded.

Madam Pomfrey rushed over. "Stop bothering my patients, Minister." Fudge quickly vacated the premises.

Since there was nothing technically wrong with him, Madam Pomfrey had to let Artemis out of the hospital ward with the Trio. During lunch, Artemis asked Hermione what happened. "Time Turner?"

She nodded. "There were hundreds of dementors. Then there was a stag- a patronus, but it wasn't Harry. We ended up in the infirmary, and Harry and I went back three hours. Then we saved Buckbeak and it actually was Harry's Patronus, just the Harry I was with. Then we saved Sirius, and he left with Buckbeak." She paused. "What happened to you?"

Artemis thought for a moment. "Let's just say, if I were you, I wouldn't go around Hogwarts at the full moon."

"You?"

"It's better you don't know."

Later, Lupin came to talk to Artemis. His eyes were full of guilt. "Artemis, I'm leaving tomorrow, and you have to give my apologies to Draco for… "

"He'll need help."

"I know. I'm sorry I can't give it to him. He'll need wolfsbane potion, and somewhere safe to change."

"I'll tell 're leaving, aren't you? Parents won't like a werewolf teaching."

"Yes. I'll have to. And there are other things. What was that spell you did at finals? I've never heard of it before."

"It was something I found. I couldn't bring myself to laugh, so I found an alternative."

"And I wondered… how did you keep him from bleeding out? When I woke up, I was sure- I was sure he would be dead."

A ghost of a smile flitted across Artemis' face. "Everyone has their secrets, professor."

The professor nodded. "You walk a dangerous path, Artemis. Don't stray into the shadows."

"But without shadows, there is no light. Don't worry. I've made my choice already."

The professor left the next day. Draco woke a few days later, when their exam results came out. Artemis visited him in the hospital wing.

"What happened?"

"You drew off the werewolf so I could get Weasley and myself to safety."

He looked down at his leg. "So I'm a…?"

Artemis nodded. "Almost certainly."

His lip curled. "So I sacrificed my pure bloodedness… for a Weasel? That's awful! I'm a Slytherin, for Merlin's sake!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "It could have been Hermione you showed an ounce of human decency for."

Draco moaned. "I don't even want to think about it. What will I tell my parents?"

"If telling the truth isn't an option, I suggest that you offer to stay with an Irish friend once a month."

Draco frowned. "But I don't have any- Wait. You mean you? Are we even friends?"

"Of course. Dangerous circumstances are excellent for bonding, or so I've heard. And it is the logical decision. I can make a wolfsbane potion, and my parents don't really look into my work. They will be happy that I have a friend who isn't remotely threatening or sinister, and yours will be happy you are making allies like a Slytherin descendant of Herpo the Foul."

"That sounds good. And you have to tell me about the little girl. What is with your fascination with little girls? And what do you mean, I'm not remotely threatening?"

"You are scrawny, Draco. Threatening is what Vincent and Gregory are for. And the little girl won't like being called a little girl. She's part of an advanced underground civilization."

Draco blinked. "What?"

"All shall be revealed in due time. It's only fair that I let you in on all my plans. You'll find out soon."

Artemis smirked as Draco rolled his eyes and muttered about melodramatic geniuses. At least he had forgotten about his malady for the moment. That was good. Perhaps this would blossom into a beautiful (or at least semi functional) friendship.

When they got their results, Artemis was horrified to see that he had gotten perfect scores in everything except herbology, in which he got an E. Damn those awful puffapods! It was awful to see Hermione, who had gotten Os in everything, smiling triumphantly.

Gryffindor won the house cup that year, yet again. After such a nasty year, with the dementors and Sirius Black constantly hanging over their heads, everyone was glad for the end. On the train, Artemis ran into Luna.

"Hey, Artemis."

"Hello, Luna."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Do you have anything to tell me?"

"Just one thing- watch out for pixies."

* * *

 **Dun, Dun, DUUHHHH! By all the gods above, I'm done! First fic ever!**

 **Just so you know, there is a very real possibility of a sequel, but no promises. Keep an eye out, but don't expect anything for a few months. I really need to recharge my batteries reading Solangelo and stuff.**

 **But in case there _is_ a sequel, I have no clue what it'll be about. So it's up to a vote. Will CEDRIC, HARRY, or ARTEMIS play in the tournament? Two of them? All of them? None of them(although that would be boring)? Send in votes and reasons, please.**

 **That's it. I'm out, folks.**

* * *

 **CREDITS**

 **J. K. Rowling and Eoin Colfer: It's hard enough writing just over 30,000 words, let alone writing long and convoluted series! Thanks for your brilliant work!**

 **Elbereth in April and all the other writers of AF/HP Crossovers: E in A, although you disappeared many years ago, you were the first. My appreciation for your far superior works. Y'all is inspirational.**

 **Anami, Ashwinder888, Anagram11, AnomyTheSalad, Sarite, SantaClaws3, Jayswing103, froper98, purpleradiance, TinMother, and James Birdsong, all of whom commented on my work. I thank you taking the time to stay stuff to me!**

 **Everyone else who read my work: Thanks loads for sticking with me.**


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